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Post by The Cobra Viper on Apr 2, 2011 19:10:12 GMT -5
So whenever you want a belt you'll introduce a new daughter to kill her off so you can get a title? learn to wear a rubber man
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 2, 2011 20:13:52 GMT -5
But kids are such good plot devices!
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Post by irobin on Apr 3, 2011 3:54:56 GMT -5
I'm just going to start calling you "Josef Fritzl" now.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 3, 2011 7:14:33 GMT -5
My response to that comment was to google it. And no. Never incest. Murder yes, but never incest.
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Post by irobin on Apr 3, 2011 18:48:45 GMT -5
It was more in the sense that you had a basement full of daughters that you would wheel out and execute as and when needed to win a match...
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 3, 2011 22:29:48 GMT -5
You keep making jokes and I'll start turning your jokes into plot devices.
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Post by jackbull on Apr 4, 2011 1:22:28 GMT -5
He will. Believe it.
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Post by irobin on Apr 4, 2011 2:54:07 GMT -5
You keep making jokes and I'll start turning your jokes into plot devices. Warrior's basement is actually full of bacon. He attempts to devour his own weight in salty-pork goodness before every match, if he manages it, he wins, if not... He loses. I hope you turn THAT into a plot device. |
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 15, 2011 22:07:28 GMT -5
Tried a more focused shoot style this week as opposed to my story driven stuff. Love to hear what everyone thinks.
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Post by irobin on Apr 16, 2011 9:14:14 GMT -5
I like the direction that you're hinting at moving in with this roleplay. Kendra's dead, so you kind of need to focus on Warrior more, which you are doing, and this one is definitely lot more match-relevant as a result. There's still some nice character development though; Warrior is a bad guy and wants to be viewed as such. He wants to be hated, it's good to have a bad guy that wants to be bad, so I liked seeing that.
It's different to your recent stuff with Kendra, but it's still good, and it's a bit of a different direction, I quite liked it. You dealt with the loss of a daughter, but reminded us all that her "sacrifice" was for the sake of Warrior and his in-ring success. That's what drives him now. It was a good, interesting read, man.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 16, 2011 13:46:37 GMT -5
Awesome. Glad to hear it translated well. Thanks for the feedback man.
Anyone else have something to say?
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Post by jackbull on Apr 16, 2011 13:52:48 GMT -5
Bewbies
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 16, 2011 13:58:10 GMT -5
...should've seen that one comin'.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 18, 2011 22:51:59 GMT -5
That's right. The Sandbag Bowl Champion and his biggest rival for the title are the first two to roleplay. Welcome...to the Twilight Zone.
In other news, comments? Thoughts? Feedback? Bewbies?
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Post by jackbull on Apr 18, 2011 23:38:37 GMT -5
Ho-ly-shit.
You guys RP'd. And it's not even been 2 days. WTF?
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Post by irobin on Apr 19, 2011 3:34:02 GMT -5
What the fuck's going on?
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 20, 2011 22:23:47 GMT -5
Now that I believe the shock of my early roleplay has worn off...feedback guys? I really want to hear what everyone thinks about this one.
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Post by jackbull on Apr 20, 2011 23:07:49 GMT -5
I'll get back to you in a bit. I have some editing to do for mine but then I promise I'll feed your back.
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Post by jackbull on Apr 21, 2011 3:08:02 GMT -5
So, my thoughts on your latest work, with key points in bold;
-- Menacing & sinister tone throughout most of the RP. You walk away from it with the impression that Warrior would seel his Mother to a sweat shop if it bought him a win.
-- Funny in parts. Just enough that it added to the roleplay and broke it up a little, but without competing against the serious tone. Perfect amount.
-- You get the sense of Control, that Warrior has his entire world, his entire situation in the palm of his hands.
-- It felt like a promo by a true old school heel. It really evokes memories of some of the legendary heels from real life (if you see what I mean).
-- Good background including both the explanation of the stable and characters, and mentioning the hardcore weapons to tell us about the character specifically.
-- Motivations explained. Now we know why Warrior is doing what he's doing.
-- Mind games at the end. Playing with Jaces head to distract him. Truly added to the overall sinister streak.
-- All of this came in a small package especially when contrasted with my RP for example, all of this was delivered in just a few, readable paragraphs. That takes skill. It's an art form. Maybe you just got lucky this week, but I felt you cracked the code perfectly here.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 21, 2011 10:47:06 GMT -5
Thanks a ton for the feedback Bull. I'm glad the heel tone carried right. I felt like I was finally getting back into my old heel groove and it appears you noticed too. Also, thanks for the comment on length. I love being able to pack a lot of stuff into shorter pieces rather than carrying on page after page. Thanks again.
Other feedback? Comments? Thoughts? Bewbies?
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Post by Obi on Apr 21, 2011 10:54:44 GMT -5
I think this roleplay was a springboard for you. Since your return, you have had good roleplays and less than good ones here and there. This one was great though. The "Heel" bit is starting to become prominent. Though I suppose that your character being very involved with the show these days helps greatly. Your rp didn't feel short this time around. It was long enough where I was able to read it and then feel satisfied. Great job there. I have no complaints about this roleplay at all.
As Jack said, it felt very "Old School"... in a good way.
Warrior forming his own stable is a very interesting read. You are playing off the show very nicely and explaining events flawlessly.
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