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Post by irobin on Feb 12, 2011 16:07:34 GMT -5
Well, the [damned] kids around here use "ev" as a shortened version of ever/whatever... I'm not sure I see how that works.
I'll side with it being "expected value", although I'm not really sure that that's any better but at least it makes some sense.
As for the RP, I thought it was good. Interesting, mostly because of the style of writing from two different minds. The lack of direct match attention's been highlighted, but it's still pretty good. You've got Kendra trying to find out the results and fixtures to find out what's going on outside her prison walls too, should be good to see where this goes in future. She's certainly coming across as holding up a lot better than Warrior at this point. Imminent, bloody breakdown? Maybe...
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Feb 12, 2011 21:05:58 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback Jace, and yeah, there's no telling where it might go from here. I have a few plans for things to happen while she's locked up, but who knows. Most of it I'll just play by ear.
And good guesses again, but nah. It's a connection I'm not fully expecting anyone to catch on to, but for the possibility that someone might figure it out, I'm going to still leave it unsaid.
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F1
Veteran
Got Girl Problems? F1!
Posts: 985
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Post by F1 on Feb 13, 2011 3:47:49 GMT -5
Extreme Vigilante!
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Feb 13, 2011 8:34:25 GMT -5
Haha. I'll tell y'all that it's not an acronym or an abbreviation. It's actually in relation to someone/something/somewhere called 'Ev'.
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F1
Veteran
Got Girl Problems? F1!
Posts: 985
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Post by F1 on Feb 13, 2011 10:37:46 GMT -5
As in relation to Eve from the bible?
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Feb 13, 2011 14:20:44 GMT -5
Nope. It's literally about something named "Ev" not Eve or anything else.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Feb 26, 2011 1:23:42 GMT -5
With the Sandbag Bowl complete, I would like some feedback from anyone who has the time to give it. I progressed the story a bit, and felt like I kept good focus on the match. Wondering how it all translated though. As always, all feedback is good feedback. Please and thanks.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Feb 26, 2011 13:03:17 GMT -5
To save time a topic space, I'd also like anyone's feedback to my Chance Fusion roleplay here as well. I didn't take it near as seriously, and intended it to be as ridiculous as it likely came off to be, but I'd still love to hear what anyone thought of it. I had a surprisingly fun time writing it too.
Anyways. Feedback please. ;D
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Feb 28, 2011 17:04:04 GMT -5
Pweeeeeez.
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Post by Mr. C on Feb 28, 2011 17:08:33 GMT -5
Warrior's RP: Generally I find this style of RP uninteresting, in many applications it would just be walls of text, all thoughts, no real substance. It's not the same with this go. Your way of voicing thoughts, (perhaps because you do it in one shot?) seems real and pulls you in. And the dynamic between the two characters you use is working and working well. I also enjoyed being placed in to the RP, too. A very fun read, and a very fun storyline. Chance's RP: In a word, cute. It was similar to Warrior's in presentation, but applied in a way that was a little more reader friendly, at least I think so. It was fun, it was entertaining, it was bare-bones, but exactly what RPs "used to be." Something quick and something fun, not an epic that takes forever to write that could be grand or a huge miss. It's a style that I would say doesn't take many chances, and will work well most of the time. I vote keep the tactic of just writing for fun with this character!
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Post by Obi on Feb 28, 2011 17:08:59 GMT -5
Sure thing.
Chance Fusion: I actually enjoyed this one. You were witty, and definitely full of personality. It felt more old school in nature, possibly a shoot with light story added. This though.. was what put it over..
Keep up the humor, it's a good contrast to Chance Fusion's last run.
Warrior: I enjoyed this roleplay as well. It was nice to have it not so Kendra heavy. For awhile, I wondered if she was the one competing, lol. I think you are starting to find your place with Warrior finally. Expand on that.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Mar 1, 2011 0:52:09 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback Obi. It's good to know the humor of Chance's came through. I was completely blank on an idea for it, and the only base I had was that I know that I wanted Chance to pretty much be an asshole. So I took that and ran with it, haha. My aim was just to have fun writing it, and that worked.
As for Warrior's, I do feel like I'm really getting back into a groove slowly but surely. And I think subconsciously, I saw the focus a little too much on Kendra too, and that's what pushed me to run the story of forcing her away making Warrior go on his own. Glad that's going over well too.
Thanks again. And thanks to Tom who's feedback I will see soon enough. ;D
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Post by Mr. C on Mar 1, 2011 6:22:44 GMT -5
yw
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Mar 2, 2011 2:06:22 GMT -5
ty
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 1, 2011 21:01:47 GMT -5
And done! (With Warrior's at least.) I'd love some feedback guys. I was waffling earlier this week as to what direction I wanted to take. I finally found it as I got this one going, and had to go back and make it all make sense in the earlier parts. I am proud of the way this one came out thought, and I'd love to hear what everyone thinks of it.
(And on that note, please read and reply whilst I go write my Dogs of War roleplay. ;D )
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 1, 2011 23:01:41 GMT -5
I still want feedback on "Nothing Else Matters" guys, that's first priority because I really want to know what people think about it. I'm also accepting comments on "This Dojo" which was intended to be as ridiculous, goofy, and offensive as it turned out.
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Post by irobin on Apr 2, 2011 17:55:10 GMT -5
Well, my first thought upon reading was that something was up with it and that Kendra couldn't really be dead. If she is, then, seriously, how fucked was that girl? The answer: Hugely. Seriously, she'd get herself killed in the hope that it would inspire her father to become more ruthless? Why? So that he can win a few titles? It doesn't make the smallest bit of sense to me. If anything, it seems that Kendra cares more about winning matches and titles than Warrior and that's pretty messed up. I think I'm also bewildered by how Warrior reacted. It may be my interpretation, but he didn't seem to care much.
What happens now if Warrior doesn't win? His daughter's dead and he's got nothing to show for it and, really, what's he got left at all? Fighting for the memory if his fallen daughter? Hell, the guy's lost one daughter and a wife already, would losing another really make all the difference?
Sorry if this is all coming across as harsh, I mean, as to be expected, it's a good quality roleplay. Technically correct, well-written and generally it keeps my interest as a reader, but the whole thing has a sort of surreal edge to it, as if it's more fantasy than reality (the mere fact that everything here is fantasy excluded) that kind of put me off. At the end of reading, there was just a feeling of... What the hell just happened?
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 2, 2011 18:16:46 GMT -5
Yeah, that was what I was actually aiming for. Kendra is as fucked up as they come. I had Kendra explain the past stuff with Ray Ripke some, but there really was a story I ran a few years ago where that happened. Where essentially Warrior's best friend decided him falling back in love with his ex-wife was distracting him, and the best way to fix it was by killing her. As for how it'll be handled after, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. It was meant to be her being that crazy though. That all she ever cared about was winning. Now with her gone, it'll be Warrior trying to find where he goes after this, but the last thing she told him was to never let anything distract him from winning. So that's what he did.
Hope that clears up any of the "What the fuck?" you felt after it, haha. Either way, thanks for the feedback. I like to hear how it's interpreted, and that I got as much "I can't believe that shit just happened" as I was hoping for. I try to have things be ridiculous and insane, but keep realistic from Warrior's standpoint so he can still be doing what he's doing. This facilitated that goal, and fell into place incredibly well with what I ran so long ago. Thanks again!
Anyone else? Come on, someone else has to have something to say about it!
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Christian Kane
Prospect
WOI BAREH LOOKALIKE
herp derp derp herp derpy derp derp herp derp
Posts: 288
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Post by Christian Kane on Apr 2, 2011 18:23:01 GMT -5
!!!
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Apr 2, 2011 18:45:28 GMT -5
I have a feeling she's not really dead and more of faked her death to motivate him but that's me. Personally reading it i wasn't going "WTF" i was "eh it's classic warrior" the more insane it got them more it made me laugh thinking of what people who don't get War's style would react. It was good. Funny (yes i like dark humor and it's fantasy) and great for a title piece.
Lets see if a girls death wins him a title
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 2, 2011 18:55:07 GMT -5
Lets see if a girls death wins him a title Well considering last time a girl died it was my first daughter, and I beat Lincoln. I've got a pretty good track record with that.
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