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Post by The Cobra Viper on Aug 12, 2011 9:13:19 GMT -5
Thank you Luck. I took your advise or at least tried. I would have left feedback but with how you write i rarely find any issues.
euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=rumble&thread=6540&page=1
I have made changes to my original post. Mainly spelling but a tad of coding. Just letting the staff as well as fellow writers know. It happened today before deadline.
Also Feel free to leave feedback but with this kind of rp and match not expecting much.
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Post by The Sky King on Aug 23, 2011 10:01:13 GMT -5
- Some nice character development here for Roy. I don't know whether Roy not really paying too much attention to Sara walking out was Roy's new personality or time and word constraints. I like to think it was on purpose because it shows Roy takes the minimal amount of time mourning and the maximum amount of time focusing on the business. Also nice to see Roy growing into a veteran, and looking back on his past experiences. You can tell Roy isn't just a rookie anymore.
- I stand by what I said: Still reluctant seeing the several personalities of the Seven Sins of Ireland here. They seem to operate more like a hive mind than individuals, especially in a limited RP like this one because you couldn't do much to really explore the characters. It might be worth taking a Locker Room RP or two to explore the characters and give them an edge. It could make all the difference.
- RP was pretty systematical in match relevance, especially in Roy's way of exploring the tactics he is going to use. It's not a major complaint, but I felt that, against several opponents, it hurt your chances. I was hoping to see Roy take a more ruthless attitude, maybe have him train and yelling to the world just what winning would mean to him. That only really came out at the end of the RP.
- Once again, a strong epilogue. I feel if you can channel that spirit of your epilogues and put them into the general RP, then you could really break through the ceiling in this fed.
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Aug 23, 2011 17:06:25 GMT -5
Thank you luck and as promised I will get to what you've said. I do this because i do like your feedback and you asked questions, also i hope it'll spark some others to leave me feedback because i'd like to improve and have little to go off of.Some nice character development here for Roy. I don't know whether Roy not really paying too much attention to Sara walking out was Roy's new personality or time and word constraints. I like to think it was on purpose because it shows Roy takes the minimal amount of time mourning and the maximum amount of time focusing on the business. Also nice to see Roy growing into a veteran, and looking back on his past experiences. You can tell Roy isn't just a rookie anymore. You're hopes are right. While not purely his own motivation the Seven sin's are as much a family as a group. So if one of the members is down or mourning the others are there to pick them up. I plan on continuing this style in my next piece and the future if need be. As for the veteran park it wasn't exactly what i was going for but it worksI stand by what I said: Still reluctant seeing the several personalities of the Seven Sins of Ireland here. They seem to operate more like a hive mind than individuals, especially in a limited RP like this one because you couldn't do much to really explore the characters. It might be worth taking a Locker Room RP or two to explore the characters and give them an edge. It could make all the difference. Due to the fact that i'm slightly unsure of my overall use of the group i understand this. At the same time i know i need at least a few of the members for Roy as a character. I plan on expanding the understanding of each of them in time but right now with how things are and what we've discussed i can only say that there's more to them than a hiveRP was pretty systematical in match relevance, especially in Roy's way of exploring the tactics he is going to use. It's not a major complaint, but I felt that, against several opponents, it hurt your chances. I was hoping to see Roy take a more ruthless attitude, maybe have him train and yelling to the world just what winning would mean to him. That only really came out at the end of the RP. The issue i have with this part is that Roy isn't one to blow mindless smoke. Everything he does has a purpose and randomly saying he would win for no other purpose than to say isn't his style. As for the ruthlessness I'm working on that, but the guy is a little off his rocker anyway. He borders on sanity/insanity so sometimes he's a little more stable than others.Once again, a strong epilogue. I feel if you can channel that spirit of your epilogues and put them into the general RP, then you could really break through the ceiling in this fed. i'm still unsure of what you mean by this. but that might just be because i don't understand what makes my epilogues shine. I'm glad you enjoy them.
hope that was helpful and shows i enjoy feedback and take it to heart.
Anyone else?
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Post by The Sky King on Aug 23, 2011 17:17:48 GMT -5
Once again, a strong epilogue. I feel if you can channel that spirit of your epilogues and put them into the general RP, then you could really break through the ceiling in this fed. i'm still unsure of what you mean by this. but that might just be because i don't understand what makes my epilogues shine. I'm glad you enjoy them.I feel that your epilogues are strong because that's where most of the emotion tends to come through. In the epilogues, you really grab the bull by the horns and explore what the upcoming matches and the like mean to Viper. You really scan over the fed and have Viper analyze what this next match means to him and what winning (or losing) could mean to him. I feel that the main body of your RP sometimes lacks the emotion you carry in the epilogue. Now, emotion probably seems like an odd thing to critique, but look at TITAN: Emotion really carries your RP strongly and gives it an extra edge. I'm not talking about having Viper crying or laughing like a madman every few lines, but including some intensity and more powerful emotion will improve your RP substantially.
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Aug 23, 2011 17:28:52 GMT -5
I guess cause i'm in his head i don't see that. I feel it but don't have it come across right. Thank you for explaining
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Aug 26, 2011 10:41:48 GMT -5
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Aug 28, 2011 19:51:20 GMT -5
euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=rpsnv&thread=6672 While not proof read by my usual group for whatever reason. I shall not sit on this any longer. I'm sorry for the grammar and such but it's in the cleanest form I, me, Roy, can put it.
Please leave feedback, i'm changing my direction of my character and would like to know how i delivered it
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Oct 7, 2011 15:02:48 GMT -5
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Oct 10, 2011 13:09:24 GMT -5
Okay so due to my recent reflection I NEED help. while i know this is a hobby and that scores don't matter Roy hasn't won a bout since 6/26.
This is not a "why do i keep losing?" post. That would be in pms if anything. No I'm posting in the feedback section cause i want to know what i can improve on. My loses are from my inability to out write my opponents plain and simple. But since i haven't heard anything in a few months about my writing nothing has changed.
so again WHAT CAN I IMPROVE?
Also in return if you ask i will leave feedback. Most of what i've recently done has been through pms or ims but if you want it i'll deliver.
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Oct 19, 2011 19:25:00 GMT -5
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Jan 26, 2012 17:18:07 GMT -5
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Feb 4, 2012 16:51:05 GMT -5
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