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Post by Mr. C on Jun 10, 2011 22:31:00 GMT -5
Tom 11:21 pm I hope you win, man. As far as RPs for an e-fed go, you nailed it. You developed a story that was both fun and relevant.
Rob 11:22 pm Thanks, man
Tom 11:22 pm For as much as I love a good story, the main thing about this place is that it's an e-fed. And that gets lost to me all too often. In truth, as far as e-fed RPs are concerned, I think yours should trump mine. As the story is easily just as enjoyable, and it's far more relevant.
Rob 11:23 pm ah, I haven't had the chance to read yours yet but I'm sure it was awesome
Tom 11:24 pm Meh, if you like my usual stuff, you may or may not like this one. It has a lot of build up as I go in to the final confrontation. So, in a way, it's cool as it wraps things up, in a way it's bad, as it has a lot to it that just is filler, to be honest
Rob 11:25 pm well whoever wins wins I guess, I'm just happy I put out my best work
Tom 11:26 pm Aye. That much I can say with confidence. It was a phenomenal piece.
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Jun 11, 2011 9:14:14 GMT -5
I like you role play man i really did. It developed the character, talked about the match, and never slowed down. Did you miss a few fact sure but it's roleplaying you don't have to be prefect.
I'm glad you didn't no show and put out a work like this. I think we have a great match between the three of us and can't wait to see it written out by whoever. Best of luck
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Post by irobin on Jun 11, 2011 9:18:59 GMT -5
I liked this piece; it had plenty of match relevance and a good dose of character development. It shows Danny addressing his last loss, and his weaknesses in the ring, and then setting off to try to better them. My question? Why is the master always Japanese? Why can’t he be German or Puerto Rican instead? In any case, I enjoyed this piece and it was a good read that covered all the bases, but there’s a bit of me that feels that you’ve missed a trick here.
Instead of combining this all in to one roleplay, I feel that you could have spent more time showing Danny training, going through his own mind and motivations as one roleplay, and then a second piece being a classic Danny Tenfold interview. Hell, why not have him sit in the locker room with his friendly camera man again? It doesn’t detract from the roleplay at all because it’s a strong effort; I just feel that it had potential to be more as two pieces given full exposure, rather than as smaller parts of the same roleplay.
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Mr. T
Prospect
Haters gonna hate
Posts: 386
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Post by Mr. T on Jun 15, 2011 10:17:48 GMT -5
Thanks guys! Much appreciated as always Well it looks like I'm first on the board this week. I plan on posting two RPs, and this first was a shorter piece to try and get over Danny's reflections on the night, and the task that lies ahead. As always all feedback is welcomed. If not, that's cool Starting Over: Part Ieuw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=rpsnv&thread=6262
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Jun 25, 2011 8:48:34 GMT -5
If you had no opponent i would say these were great and out standing because they were at telling Danny's story but there was barley any, 5, mentions of your opponent.
That said i liked both of them they were short and direct while showing how Danny is taking the lose of his championship. So good story telling in these two but the match relevance was lacking and might have cost you had not your opponent no showed.
Good work as always Danny.
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Mr. T
Prospect
Haters gonna hate
Posts: 386
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Post by Mr. T on Jun 25, 2011 16:52:39 GMT -5
There were only 5 mentions? Oh well, lol. In all honesty if I had actually expected my opponent to show there would've been some more in the second, but as he hadn't logged on in over a week and had give me nothing to work off I thought why bother.
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Mr. T
Prospect
Haters gonna hate
Posts: 386
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Post by Mr. T on Aug 12, 2011 22:16:05 GMT -5
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Mr. T
Prospect
Haters gonna hate
Posts: 386
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Post by Mr. T on Aug 19, 2011 21:05:11 GMT -5
Uh yeah, review the newest one as well if you like. I'm not too hopeful as I never return the favour, but a guy can hope!
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Post by Mr. C on Aug 19, 2011 21:26:54 GMT -5
What you do best is make a character that you care about. There is a reason to cheer for this chap, you're entirely invested in him, you want to see him succeed. It's something in how things are written, and it's something in how the character was conceived, but he's the epitome of the underdog we always root for. Your RPs are entirely based around match relevance in this "promo style" but you still manage to do character development so well - it seems as if you don't even mean to, it's just a byproduct of your writing.
This strength in characterization is what ultimately pulled me in to this RP. How you wrote the accessory characters in li'l Jimmy and Mary Jane was believable and fun - the dialogue was done with just enough creativity to make it real. Then the meat of the RP, the idea of finding inspiration right here at home with the fans (wherever did that idea come from, anyway?) was worked perfectly. It fit in with everything else you did. If nothing else, this RP was from beginning to end a single piece, working towards a common goal of greatness.
Good luck, mate! I enjoyed this one above and beyond anything else you've written in our feuds!
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Mr. T
Prospect
Haters gonna hate
Posts: 386
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Post by Mr. T on Sept 2, 2011 19:55:54 GMT -5
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Sept 4, 2011 8:34:36 GMT -5
While i liked the roleplay. and the idea of the general tone i felt like the match was the last thing on Danny's mind. yes he is in a bit of a rut and has a lot on his mind so to me it's perfectly fine. When match relevance is my only complaint it's a really good piece. Very real and glad Danny found someone interested. But now we have what 3 Sarah's?
Good luck today and great piece
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James
Veteran
The EUW's Resident Superhero!
Posts: 917
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Post by James on Sept 4, 2011 9:12:11 GMT -5
I usually don't do feedback but I wanted to leave some comments on this specific role play. I feel the same way Roy did about the match being the furthest from Danny's mind but this is why I never used 'Match Relevance' as a criteria, but instead 'EUW Relevance' and I thought it was an absolutely incredible role play. Every event was driven by what's going on in EUW and it wasn't cliched in a sense. I was expecting Knobby to show up, not Talbot when he started popping pills. I enjoyed the Sarah bit however if it's going to lead into what I presume it shall, I'll be excited and I think it's a good angle for Tenfold.
I'm not sure if you were gunning for it to read more like a Venom roleplay, which it did, but even more so I felt there were shades of Kyle in it, and I can't offer much higher praise then that.
Cheers for the good read dude.
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