Tenfold Feedback

[Mr. T]

I actually think considering the amount of topics on this board and how consistently they get responses we do pretty well tbh, at least compared to other feds I've been in. I shall return the favor though

[The Cobra Viper]

I agree with that is said above. This is the Danny I hoped would show up. Your rp had fire, passion, and was interesting. I enjoyed reading it and how you talked about the teams as a unit. Sure it's not as strong as picking apart the individuals but since it's a team it shows unity.

Was a great read. Let's win this this Sunday. Also like scorpy said we don't always do feedback but we do our best

[Mr. T]

First RP for B2R is finally up. As always I welcome all feedback.

Back 2 Roots: Danny Tenfold
euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=ppvrp&thread=5715

[Obi]

I loved it! Very good use of dialog this time around. I noticed this was a part 1 and if that is the case, you are really on a roll here. To this point, I have seen Danny as a one dimensional character. This time though, you changed my mind. Not many people can fill a rp with dialog driven stories but you did it perfectly.

[The Cobra Viper]

I'm waiting on part two if there is one. But so far phenomenal work Danny. Way to show up to the dance and make yourself center stage. I agree with obi. Til now i saw Danny as a 1d character. Not anymore

[Mr. T]

And I am done!

euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=ppvrp&thread=5733

[irobin]

I liked both parts, the first dealing more with character development and the second meeting the requirements for match relevance. Both were good and, whilst I can see what both Obi and Roy meant about them breaking away from the one-dimensionality of Danny Tenfold, the second part seemed like classic Danny. He's not entirely sure, but he's going to give it his all. He's the fan favourite for a reason and the second roleplay really does show that through and through.

This match is going to be tough as hell, but this is the kind of Danny that's been missing of late. Keep it up and you're sure to get right back on track!

[Mr. T]

CJ got in early, so figured I might as well too. First RP for the big title defence is up!

Redemption: Part I
euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=rpsnv&thread=5802

[Obi]

As a whole, I enjoyed the roleplay. Your match relevance is your strong point for sure.

[Mr. T]

Thanks, Obi. Second RP is now up.

Redemption: Part II:
euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=rpsnv&thread=5844&page=1

This one is admittedly a little lighter on match relevance (something I plan to compensate for in my final piece), but my intention was to get across how important it is to Danny not just to be a champion, but to be a good one and a good role model too. Whether I did that or not, you decide

All feedback appreciated as always.

[Mr. T]

And here is my third and final piece:
euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=rpsnv&thread=5849

Again, any thoughts, criticisms etc, lay it on me.

[irobin]

Your roleplays this time around were good and exactly what I would expect from the newly crowned Pure Champion. You dealt with Danny and his feelings about winning the belt and now having to defend it against a tough opponent that had beaten him before. I was glad to see the mention of their previous meeting and how Danny feels that he let himself down with a poor showing. He was on a poor run and managed to validate the faith of his fans with a huge win at B2R, now he’s looking to redeem himself for his loss to Chuck last time. Despite being Champion now, Danny is still the same guy he was – keen, down-to-earth and determined, he’s still finding his footing, but each win is bringing encouragement to him and he knows that the guys in the back are giving him some respect too, now.

Nice to see the continuing presence of Denton as a mentor of sorts, he’s been a good foil to Danny with wisdom and experience to compliment the youthful exuberance. Danny’s got his start and it’s up to him to make the rest of it in his own way, under his own power, but he’s starting to believe that he can, too and that’s to his strength. He’s still just breaking out of his shell as the happy go lucky guy, but he’s getting more and more accustomed to being a proper fighter, from the Brand Wars tag match, to the ladder match to his first defence, it’s clear that each one makes him more confident in his own abilities.

Your first effort was a mix of development and relevance, the second more based on development and the third was purely match relevant. If you’re going to write three roleplays, then that’s as good a spread as can be asked for, but remember that the problem with three roleplays is that the more you write, the more chance there is of one being bad and dragging down the other two. I feel that all three were good, but that your second dragged a little in parts as Danny spoke to the kids at Denton’s school. Not in any huge way, but it wasn’t up to the standard of the other two.

Your third was very good. In my opinion, it was the best of the three you wrote, and it felt like something that a champion would do. It’s a straight up reply to Chuck’s “Year of the Redneck” roleplay and clearly that does give you a bit to work from, but you did it well. You responded to Chuck’s comments in a manner that really drove home that Danny wants this, but he isn’t out to make enemies with Chuck because he isn’t that guy. Even though Danny’s highlighted the stuff Chuck said that he feels was incorrect and he’s willing to make it a personal point to win this match, he’s not got any particularly ill will. He just wants to remove any lingering doubts anyone has that he got “lucky” at the PPV.

All in all, a good set, man. I liked them, and your third felt like you really meant it.

[Mr. T]

New Role Play is UP!

The Pure One: (inb4 virgin jokes. I'm looking at you, Jace *glare*)
euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=rpsnv&thread=5928

As always I'm open to anything you may have to offer about the role play.

[The Cobra Viper]

I like it. But i would say that it felt short. Granted you still have time to write another but i finished reading it and my mind went "That's it?" not that is was bad. It wasn't it just felt incomplete you know.

That's my two sense and I did enjoy how Danny felt about the win and how he talked about CJ. Class act and good rp. Hope this helps

[Mr. T]

Thanks, Roy. I had always planned to do two RPs, and knew I'd cover everything I needed to between the two of them, so maybe that explains the short feeling. My plan was to have both of my RPs come together and read well as one overall piece. Whether they did or not... I guess that's for everyone else to judge, lol. Either way, here is the link to my 2nd piece this week:

euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=rpsnv&thread=5944

[Christian Kane]

they sucked!

back to the drawing board, fagfold!

[irobin]

The roleplay covered what it needed to, and it continued to show Danny as being the ultra face of this federation. Even as a champion, he still shows a great deal of respect to his peers and feels the need to be that guy. He doesn’t trash talk his opponents, but points out that he now feels under pressure to deliver as champion, even in a non-title match. He needs to be that guy that the rookies face; the one that show them what the quality of the EUW superstars is really about.

The problem, as Roy pointed out, was that your first felt a bit short. You barely scratched the surface with regard to your opponents, with almost no mention of London Strife and just the basic “Kane won a match” stuff. It felt like it had been cut short for some reason, but it’s still a decent piece that does the job.

Your second was definitely more match-centric, it paid some good dues to your opponents, but I’m not sure that they had a proper flow between them. Neither piece dragged, but there wasn’t the same spark behind them that I felt was there in recent weeks, perhaps because you’re not the underdog and suddenly there’s some pressure on you. I mean, they were good, don’t get me wrong, I liked them, but they did feel like a bit of a step down from some of the stuff you write last time and for B2R.

[Mr. T]

RP for this week can be found at:
euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=rpsnv&thread=6016

Again, if you have anything you feel you can contribute feedback-wise, about the RP or just the Tenfold character in general, I'll be happy to hear it and take it on board.

Also, I really do plan on returning the favour this week as I know I've been slacking in that aspect.

[primetime]

Very nice RP from you this week, Rob. It was classic, and you kept it safe by staying true to your normal style of RP. I sort of wished you tried something new in a sort of way, but at the same time there was nothing wrong with what you did. That's just me nitpicking and shit. Great job.

[Mr. T]

I actually agree, lol. I like to mix it up now and then and I haven't done it as much as I'd like with the Tenfold character tbh. Certain matches just motivate that and I guess for whatever reason this wasn't one of those. But thanks for the input anyway ^_^

[Mr. T]

My one and only RP for this week has been posted. As was to be expected Roy and Tommeh put out some good stuff, so I can only hope my effort has matched theirs. I tried to mix it up a little this time around, so if you happen to read it and have any feedback at all to offer, I'd love to hear it.

Challenge Accepted:
euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=ppvrp&thread=6200