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Post by irobin on Apr 30, 2011 4:18:55 GMT -5
This is more like it! Last time, I said that I felt a little let down by your third piece because it was meant to be angry Chuck getting on a microphone and shouting down the world like only an enraged redneck can. It didn’t deliver.
This time though… Wow. You really brought the goods here. This roleplay has fire, it has indignation… It has heart, much like Chuck himself. This is what I felt you were trying for last time when you missed. It’s the serious side of Chuck Johnson. He isn’t just some guy that hangs out in bars wrestling kung-fu grandmas; he’s an angry redneck that’s sick of being looked down upon as the class clown. It’s great to see this side of Chuck come through so strongly and it proves that you don’t need to be funny to be a good writer. It’s impressive and whether or not this is what you intended to do, I like this more because it’s the same kind of thing that you tried last time, but you nailed it with this piece instead. Try… Fail… Try better. Succeed.
Don’t get downhearted by one loss, it’s no slight on you or your writing, and this piece proves that not only can you go toe-to-toe with some of the best, but that you can write a serious, emotional piece too, not just something that’s good for a few laughs. It’s a hell of a piece and I think anyone here would struggle to find a way to properly respond to it. Perhaps, as Jaden said, you write better when your expectations are lower and the pressure is off? Either way, your effort this time around was definitely a hit. Nice work.
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Post by The Sky King on May 1, 2011 7:06:16 GMT -5
- Brilliant RP this week. I think that your loss actually gave you a much-needed kick up the arse to get you into writing mode. Let me tell you from experience: Writing RPs when you're fuelled on emotion makes them all the much better.
- You lost some of the more zany humor. For me, this is good. For others...maybe not so good. However, you still had good pieces of humor here and there which made the RP feel like a true Chuck Johnson RP. Don't sacrifice that. Don't toss all your humor into the garbage because some people feel that it's forced. Keep it. It's what makes you YOU.
- The whole idea of a radio station slamming Chuck and then him calling up is brilliant. You somehow manage to center your RP around that which is also impressive. The finale of your RP with Chuck dropping in unexpectedly was also great. It felt to me like that is something Chuck would do. You kept the RP true to the roots. You didn't do something stupid like having Chuck reflect on life, or promise to give up drinking or shit like that, you kept true to your character. It doesn't sound much, but it is impressive in an emotion-fuelled RP to keep to the boundaries of your character.
- Spot on with match relevance. Your character development, however, really shined this week. You gave an extra edge to the character, more of a somewhat serious tone and a serious outlook on the last cards result. I felt this gave it an extra dimension, and definitely helped it.
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Post by primetime on Jun 11, 2011 16:03:11 GMT -5
(My Grades on a 1-10 scale). Dialogue: 7 Description: 5 Content: 2 Length: 5 Match Relevance: 6
Overall Thoughts: I found your roleplay to be right to the point without being to the point. So, I am going to do you one better and actually say how I feel without beating around the bush. Your little innuendos about "Backstage politics" killed the RP for me. You know, I realize that this is indeed your final RP here in the EUW. I respect that you wrote a piece for every match I scheduled you in. In truth, this was your moment to go out with a bang though. You were facing TITAN, at a PPV. This was the match that you would be remembered for and instead you used the moment to shit on my doorstep. Not cool at all. Taking pot shots at what has happened OOC in your RP is a big no no. I did enjoy the intro though. You started off in pure Chuck Johnson fashion and had me interested. Enjoy your time away. There isn't much more that I could say.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Jun 11, 2011 16:06:48 GMT -5
Boy, did anyone ever teach you how to spell?
Dialogue
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Post by primetime on Jun 11, 2011 16:09:40 GMT -5
Boy, did anyone ever teach you how to spell? Dialog ue Sick my DIC
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Post by jackbull on Jun 11, 2011 16:28:25 GMT -5
Shouldn't that be, Suck a dick?
Think about it.
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Post by primetime on Jun 11, 2011 16:31:55 GMT -5
Shouldn't that be, Suck a dick? Think about it. Think about it, grasshopper.
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Post by jackbull on Jun 11, 2011 16:36:45 GMT -5
Right. I'm lost. P.S. I didn't realise CJ wasn't coming back
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Post by The Sky King on Jun 12, 2011 7:52:07 GMT -5
- The RP felt like a hurricane: When it starts, you go "WOAH!!" but then it ends disaster. You're beginning was awesome with CHuck filming a commercial, and it felt brilliantly written, it felt quintessentially Chuck. However, as the RP continues, it loses the CJ edge and ends up with a melodramatic tone, something which dulls the RP until it ends in traditional Chuck Johnson style. The ends of the RP are good, but the middle bit is dull and grey.
- The comments about "Backstage politics"? The comments about your rep being damaged and that you're getting flak? "The common consensus is that i'm a quitter and a crybaby"? The comment about people thinking you're forcing comedy? Maybe i'm reading into it too much, but those comments and others really feel like shots at not only the Staff, but some of the people of this fed. It feels like you're shitting on OUR doorstep. If i'm reading into it too much, I utmost apologise, but it seems like you basically just wanted to dish out a lot of snipes before heading home.
- Nothing really more to say. Match relevance was good. Character development, though dull, was still visible and well-played-out for what it was, and you're spelling and grammar was spot on, as was the dialogue between the characters.
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