Titan Feedback

[patera]

Alright, you can leave any feedback to my rp's here for Titan. I try to write Titan as an "in your face, no nonsense" guy. So, keep that in mind when you read him. Nothing I say is meant to be taken personally. So, with that in mind, have at it.

P.S: Make it good or I will rip your arms off and beat you with them! -Titan. ;D

[patera]

The Pay Check is up. Enjoy.

[patera]

"Insults" is up.

[Skye]

Another good one. I'm really enjoying the peeks into Billy's past, giving us updates into his present frame of anger. A big LOL to him answering the door buck nekid, if it hadn't been Terry, that could have been scary.
Double thumbs up.
;D

[patera]

Thanks Skye. Glad you enjoyed it.

I am starting my first official story arc with Titan now entitled "Monster". Chapter one is up so please let me know what you think of it.

[The Sky King]

Definitely a strong start for the Story Arc. The opening was phenomenal, and definitely gave an much-needed insight into the character..but left questions to be answered (Which is great since I bet this series will answer them)

The writing is still brilliant: Very raw, very angry, and for this character it works like a fucking charm. I'm not sure whether to suggest making it a bit longer or not, because at the present, the chunks of writing between Opening-Story-Monologue work very well rather than a continuous droll of writing.

Brilliant work, I look forward to reading the next parts!

[CJ]

Luck is right, that was one damn good read! It was intense, straight forward, and just popping with anger. That is exactly how I would picture Titan to be.

Length is not really an issue for me. I have read some turds that took up a wall of text to read. This one had great pacing and moved along fast enough to keep me interested. I want to hear more of this backstory.

[patera]

Alright, Monster Part II is up. My attempt at fleshing out this character continues. My hopes was to convey raw emotions very descriptively, and continue to lift the veil on why Titan is Titan. I did make it quite long, but it is a PPV.. so I felt it was warranted. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy it. I think I am starting to find a flow now.

[CJ]

Fuck..

That roleplay was killer. I concede this match to you, lol. You went a different route this time and it worked for ya. I like how you skip around, giving the reader the feeling of how Titan's life must be.. erratic.

You have this angry sort of flow to your work. After reading it, I can honestly say it influences my moods.. haha. So, mission acomplished. Good luck with the match big guy.

[Kurt Noble]

Noble Feedback

You have a definite grittiness to your work, and to be honest, I really like it. I think someone above me (CJ?) mentioned that your work flows in an almost angry way, and I can see it a little bit. It's good that I've got a sense of your character before he even speaks.

I'm not the biggest fan of flashbacks in role-plays. I'm commend you for making them relevant to the idea of being a monster and visualizing the brutality concept of Titan. I think you could have gone without the first one, but that's just me.

One thing you do in your RPs that really helps me is you provide backstory. I haven't read your work prior to this. Maybe skimmed it, but not even to actually encode anything. You gave me a nice little summary of your past few weeks, so I commend you for it.

I enjoyed the second flashback much more. Probably the most savage part of the RP.

There's something really interesting about this RP. You applied severeal RPing concepts that I don't necessarily agree with: Little emphasis on spoken dialogue, flashbacks, and a monologue at the end of the RP that was entirely devoted to the match...but you know what's interesting? I really, really enjoyed this RP, and it might be my favorite piece of work I've read thus far in EUW. You have a great control of the viciousness in your style, and you told a story that paralleled the match. I'm a really story driven writer...and that RP told a really good story. Really great work man. I'm definitely hooked.

[patera]

Thank you, Kurt. Your review was top notch. As for CJ, don't concede just yet. The match hasn't started yet. I am glad you both enjoyed my rp this week all the same.

I felt it was time to really dig in and get to work with this character. My roleplays with Titan tend to jump around, almost erratically, and it is on purpose. I want the reader to feel how Titan feels and be in his head. Titan's life has always been hard, and his mind is constantly racing. So, it is an effort to portray that emotion.

Thanks again for the feedback. Any further reviews are appreciated.

[The Sky King]

That RP was pretty phenomenal.

1) You keep engraining Titans hard-assed attitude towards life, his opponents and his work deeper and deeper with every RP. The character is so simple, yet under your guide it's turning out brilliant. You set some great imagery, and it goes very well with the character.
2) The backstory is absolutely brilliant. Before this, Titan was one bad-ass dude but didn't have much to him character-wise: This set of RPs is changing that dynamically. Seeing the evolution from Billy Johnson, young out-of-shape juvenile into the monstrous Titan is brilliant. The second piece you did with him beating the three bullies was described perfectly and executed better.
3) The monologue at the end was typically Titan: Raw, gritty and packing a powerful punch. It rounded off a great RP very well.

I look forward to reading more! This series is definitely giving Titan a harder edge to his character, and the reads are incredibly entertaining.

[patera]

Alright, I feel pretty good about this rp. I had a lot to go over and so it kept me pretty centered. No flashbacks this time.. just plain out TITAN goodness. So, what did you think?

Thanks in advance.


Oh and thank you for the feedback previously, Phil. I love when you give feedback. It is very thought out.

[patera]

Alright, Blur is up. If you leave me feedback I will return the favor!

[irobin]

I'll start by saying that I like the style a lot. The history, the present and then TITAN's own thoughts, it's a good mix. It allows for different perspectives too.

You've got TITAN as a youth, facing his toughest(?) challenge upon leaving, knowing he will be attacked. It draws parallels with him facing Chris Sabora again, in a match he has to win. Could TITAN really stand to lose to Sabora again? You point out that you lost to Chuck and then destroyed him when you took revenge, it's clear that TITAN doesn't take losing well and going up against Sabora again means that he must expect to win.

As people before have said, the writing (especially the end monologue) comes across as gritty, vicious and angry. TITAN perhaps is the true embodiment of rage, a wild beast that no-one can truly control and frankly, Terry's done well to have kept him under his "control" for so long.

Some work, like this, seems like it takes no time at all to read because it drags you straight in from the start. So much so that you read it, then look back and realise it's longer than you realised. That's the best kind of writing (of any genre) in my opinion, as if it's good enough that you don't even realise that you're reading it, then there's something very good going on.

[The Cobra Viper]

I agree with Jace all the way. it's a great rp that flows and gives you insight to Titan's past and i can feel his anger and determination. It might be said that you never beat against Sabora but i think you might have just changed that.

[CJ]

Alright, this is my attempt at adding a review that hasn't already been said already.


First of all... wow. That was one intense, emotional roleplay. I actually felt feelings of anger in the first arc, and could really see where TITAN was going with his actions. Top notch work, man. I have to say, as far as the first arc, the flashback was not only presented perfectly, but done perfectly. At least perfect in the sense that I don't think I could have added anything to improve it.

The second arc though, that was where you hit it out of the park. I enjoyed how you got right to business, coming right at Chris Sabora and laying out your cards on the table. You know, I am often nervous when my opponent waits to post his rp. I think it is pretty lame because it is almost as if they are afraid that you may have a rebuttle for their work. With this RP though, it felt like you dared Chris to respond. You were standing there saying "I can take you, Chris. Show me what you got." I loved that. Great sense of story telling there too, showing Terry hanging on to just the right amount of control.. but not too much.

The last arc though.. damn. The anger you conveyed, everything, it was all there. Your style is your style, and it works for you. It really ties into your character well.

The main event at BRH is going to be off the hook. I know Chris has been perfect over the last 12 months but he will need to be once again if he is going to top that roleplay. Great job.

[patera]

My RP is up. Now, I want to make one thing clear. I realize that some of the shit I said could be taken badly. I want everyone to know, it was all IN CHARACTER. I don't want to rip anyone's throats out, I love the Brett Cross character.. etc. TITAN's roleplays are always gritty, and to the point. I thought about editing it but after I did, I felt the essence had been lost. So, I returned it to it's original state. Again, please take no offense to it.

As far as the RP, TITAN has never been much of a team player. I wanted to show how that is coming across in his eyes in regards to the Empire. He is on their nerves, possibly one foot out the door, and everyone knows it. Jace has become a bit of a pain in the ass for TITAN, since Jace has been so successful as of late.. and TITAN has been on the bench. So, I went there too.

Good luck to all involved in our match. This has been a blast. If you would like to leave some feedback, feel free. Otherwise, there you go.

[primetime]

Here goes my bland staff feedback, lol.

I found nothing wrong with it. Good job.

[F1]

Got the message across quite firmly. I really liked the angle you took and the intensity throughout the rp. It was quite solid and you played to TITAN's strengths very well. I look forward to seeing how the "New Empire" builds upon your rp. Well written.

[Mr. C]

Feb 21, 2011 23:55:21 GMT -5 @patera said:

I don't want to rip anyone's throats out, I love the Brett Cross character.. etc.

Yeah, right. You hate me.