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Post by jackbull on Jul 24, 2011 14:20:01 GMT -5
So I'm looking more for staff feedback on my latest RP than anything else. I just want to hear your general thoughts on it, the tone, characters etc. If you want to do that by PM that's cool, whichever works best. Linky: euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=mnsrps&action=display&thread=6499Which reminds me, whoever put this shows RPs in the archive put them in the PPV section and not the SNV section. Reason for edit: Moved RPs to right board, updated link.
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Post by primetime on Jul 24, 2011 17:53:12 GMT -5
So I'm looking more for staff feedback on my latest RP than anything else. I just want to hear your general thoughts on it, the tone, characters etc. If you want to do that by PM that's cool, whichever works best. Linky: euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=mnsrps&action=display&thread=6499Which reminds me, whoever put this shows RPs in the archive put them in the PPV section and not the SNV section. Reason for edit: Moved RPs to right board, updated link.*Fixed. Thanks for pointing it out, bitch. Anyway, yeah. I liked your rp. Well written, funny, had all the usual Jack Bull flair as well. Great usage of dialog, though I do get lost in it at times and have to reread it on occasion. Otherwise, great. I LOVED the Terry Jones segment most of all.
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Post by jackbull on Jul 24, 2011 18:53:30 GMT -5
No problems bitch.
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Post by jackbull on Jul 27, 2011 22:37:18 GMT -5
Any other staff?
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Post by The Sky King on Jul 28, 2011 6:01:24 GMT -5
Late to the party up in hurr, but its better late than never, right? - Dialogue wise, Bull is still the king. You have a knack for inserting emotions and a touch of humanity in your writing, as opposed to Bull being some emotionless god-slash-killing machine. In the first part, Bull's clearly empassioned about his loss, and in the second part, you carry that emotion over perfectly into Bull talking about his relationship with X and his rivalry with Luck. It's top notch.
- Another key strength of yours is being able to set the scene in few words. You don't need huge, meaty paragraphs just to set out a scene or let us know what Bull's armpits smell like, you do it all in very little space which leaves room for the dialogue. Sounds like i'm grasping at straws, but it's actually a strength that few people can achieve.
- You got the match relevance spot-on here. Usually, it's one of your weaknesses, but here it was quite good.
- There are parts in the middle where the RP sort of drags. Some of the dialogue between Terry and Bull just felt thrown in there for the sake of it (Bull getting Terry a drink and Bull talking about his..house.) I felt you could have went from conversation part A to conversation part B without throwing in the banter. While it does make Bull seem more human, it just felt..odd.
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CJ
Prospect
Booze Head
Posts: 295
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Post by CJ on Jul 28, 2011 13:43:33 GMT -5
I don't know... I fapped off to it. So in my mind it's a winner!
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Post by jackbull on Jul 28, 2011 14:30:30 GMT -5
I don't know... I fapped off to it. So in my mind it's a winner! That's because your biased Seriously though OMFGWTF CJ SIGHTING!!!!Luck - Cheers for taking the time dude, that was actually more useful than you might otherwise think (you confirmed something I was worried about with my RPs). Just remind me never to go round your house (you don't offer people drinks? No Beer!!) P.S. They smell like Old Spice. Because I'm a man. I'm on a horse.
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Post by patera on Jul 29, 2011 16:21:17 GMT -5
I am not staff, but I would like to leave some feedback for your RP this week. Great shoot. You really were on your game for that one. I am impressed.
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Post by jackbull on Jul 29, 2011 19:56:31 GMT -5
Cheers dude!
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