Bane
Prospect
Posts: 142
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Post by Bane on Jul 8, 2011 19:42:01 GMT -5
hey everyone the final chapter is up for Bane's story let me know what you guys think thanks bane
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Post by The Sky King on Jul 12, 2011 6:10:26 GMT -5
What's this? No feedback for Bane? Better fix that! - Week in, week out, I always say that your story-telling is amongst the best in the fed. This week is absolutely no exception. Banes aggressiveness is well played, the ending was wrote in such a way that it makes people await the next part eagerly, and the revelation that Bane killed Cysco despite that his wife was going to leave him anyway? Ouch. Banes past is incredibly interesting, and you write it well.
- Still the occasional typo and grammatical errors. If you clean them up, then you really could be taking the fight to Cross this week. It's something that would probably be worth focusing on.
- Match relevance wise, you should probably try putting some more in. This week, it was tacked onto the end. I don't know if this was because this was the finale of this current arc and you wanted to go more for story than relevance, but it might be worth chucking in a bit more just to achieve that winning balance.
Keep up the good work. Seriously. You're ready to break out into the top spots. Just a few more good wins and some cleaning up and you'll be there before you know it. Carpe Diem! |
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