Post by kidnotorious on Jul 4, 2011 20:59:25 GMT -5
[We open up to a couple of kids playing out in the yard on Easter morning. The children are all discussing the random candy types and other assorted gifts some parents give instead of or in company with candy on Easter, when one young boy runs up to the group wearing a mask.]
New boy: Hey guys, lookit me I'm a luchador!
[The kids pay the new kid no mind, but as they continue to talk, the new kid uses his arms to pretend like he's an airplane or something and runs around the circle.]
New boy: Lookit me I'm flying around like a real luchydor now!
[Everyone turns and glares at the new kid but this doesn't deter him as he just keeps running around and around. Finally, one kid picks a brick off of the ground, stands up... and smashes the brick into the poor retarded masked kid's face! The entire crowd is shocked into silence.]
New boy: ......
[But wait, the retard is unharmed! A smear of chocolate covers the part of his masked face that the other kid hit him with, but there is no bleeding and he isn't on the ground unconscious. The masked retard looks at the kid's hand in front of him, which is still holding the now smushed brick. The second boy smirks, pulling the brick to his mouth and biting off a piece.]
Boy #2: It's chocolate, dude!
New boy: Ohhh!
[The masked wonder and the second kid share a laugh, and then kid #2 hands the rest of the chocolate brick to the masked kid before they both sit down and go back to talking like children do. Generic background music begins to play as an announcer's voice comes over the scene.]
Announcer: Hey kids! Have you ever just wanted to hit somebody in the face with a brick, but don't want to deal with the pesky 'illegality' of it all? Well we here at the Organization for Ridding the Earth of Stupid People have got a solution for you!
Announcer: Now in stock, Chocolate Bricks come in all shapes and sizes, in fifteen different variant tin foil wrappers! Now you can brick someone in the face and then dispose of the sweet, chocolaty evidence in one fell swoop!
Chocolate Bricks: It's like having your cake and eating it too! If your cake was a brick at least.
[We open up to the Tanner-Young Crash Pad in Tucson, Az. We find Brandon in the kitchen, making a batch of tea with the instructions from Natalie while chewing on a piece of a Chocolate Brick. Chocolate Bricks, now on sale everywhere from TOFRTEOSP Inc! He puts the last bit of ingredients into the tea kettle and then places the kettle onto the stove top.]
Brandon: Man, that stuff smells so good, and I don't even like tea. Then again, it came from Nat, and I don't think there's anything that woman can't make that's awesome food-wise. I just hope I made this one right. We kinda ran outta the one she sent over, morning sickness is a bitch.
[Brandon shivers, then takes a bite out of his chocolate brick before turning on the stove to the desired setting and turning towards the camera.]
Brandon: So, Equinox. That was some crazy shit am i right? 'Course I am! And I dunno, I may not speak for the rest of ya'll but... I'm kinda sick and fuckin tired of this shit with these VAG pansies. I dunno if Kaji thinks he's punishing us or somethin' but really... He did us a favor. He was right, something needed to be done about this nonsense and now... Something WILL be done.
And while Nat definitely isn't gonna like the idea of havin' to wrestle against Nolen and Kara... I think it's a good thing in the end. Maybe Andy and Nolen can work their issues out in between beatin the crap outta the pussies. I got nothing against Kara, heck, she's probably the nicest person on the entire roster save for Natalie, and one would question why she's in this match when she's got the World Title match later in the show but I think I get what Kaji was doin' there too. The VAG hurt her friends, so it's only natural she get a piece of the vengeance as well.
Honestly, the only person I really don't 'get' being in this match... is you, Brickface.
[Brandon stares at the camera before taking another piece off of his chocolate brick.]
Brandon: "Brickface" being you, Eric. I know it's hard to understand things when people don't spell it out for you in paint-by-numbers form so this is me spellin' it out for ya. You wanna know why I hate your guts with every fiber of my being, Eric? Because you are just... So. Dense. You are oblivious to seemingly EVERYTHING around you that isn't you. You couldn't tell the difference between one person hitting you with a brick and an entire faction of people you claimed did so. You spend every show going "Hur dur what am I doing wrong? what am I doing wrong?" Open up your eyes man! You ARE what you're doing wrong! You gave this big ass speech to Nat about how you hated what was happening with her and the VAG yet you didn't lift one goddamn FINGER to help her in her times of need! And then, when you had a chance to prove to her that you were serious? You WALKED AWAY! You left my friend to die at the hands of the very same jackasses you vowed to stop!
And you fucking WONDER why I hate your fucking guts?
[The Young Gun rolls his eyes, turning back to the kettle for a moment and turning it the other way.]
Brandon: Look, I'm an asshole. But at least I'm honest about it. And even though I am an asshole, I still hold true to little things like morals and helping people in need. All those things you CLAIM to do, I've BEEN doing! I back up my friends because I'm a REAL man. You are a phony, Eric. A lair, hiding your face behind your stupid little mask because you don't have what it takes to be a REAL man!
And I am going to take great pleasure in rearranging your stupid face.
I feel sorry for your partners in this, I really do. I wouldn't wanna be saddled with your sorry ass. I don't even hate Tex- Nolen anymore that much after he had my back on Saturday. But even if I did, I'd still feel bad for him having to carry your limp carcass around this match. Unfortunately for Nolen and Kara, this is a still a wrestling match, and, not to steal Kara's catchphrase or anything but yeah... I am in it to win it!
So the way I see it is like this:
1st priority: Wreck the VAG.
2nd Priority: Profit- I mean, Winning.
[Brandon chuckles to himself at his own joke.]
Brandon: I hold no ill will towards Kara, and I hope to think she'd feel the same way, this is a wrestling match and we're all gonna have to cross paths eventually. Our first task is to destroy those fucks who've been ruinin our lives for the past few months but after that? Well someone's gotta win. And as Raptor Jesus as my witness I'ma do all I can to make sure it's us. I may take some pity on ya both because of a) being saddled with Brickface and 2) Kara's Main event later, but that don't mean I'm gonna go easy on ya. Ain't in my nature. So, just a friendly warning.
As far AS the VAG is concerned right now? You gon' die, sons. It's that simple. The three of you little pissants versus five people who want so very much to wipe you off the face of the planet. (And Brickface). Your chances, they are nill. You have no chance to survive make your time. Me, Nat, and Andy, we are like the Atom Bomb being dropped all over your punk asses. There will be nothing left to pick up except chemical waste and body parts.
I hope ya'll got some nice life insurance.
[The kettle begins to whistle as Brandon smirks, turning to the stove he turns it off and moves the kettle to one of the unused spots. He takes a deep breath over the kettle's opening.]
Brandon: You smell that ladies? That's the smell of victory. Of finally finishing this little game with ya'll.
Well, that and tea. Awesome, home-made tea.
[He chuckles again as he reaches up into the cabinet and pulls out two ceramic mugs, pouring tea into both. He picks them up with both hands as he turns to the camera one last time.]
Brandon: I hope you three are ready for war, ladies. Cause that's what it's gonna be. And me? I couldn't be more ready. We'll continue this later I'm sure, but now, I gotta get back to comfortin' my hot wife who's pregnant with my child.
Laters.
[Brandon smirks one last time as he heads out of the kitchen and we...]
[FADE.]
New boy: Hey guys, lookit me I'm a luchador!
[The kids pay the new kid no mind, but as they continue to talk, the new kid uses his arms to pretend like he's an airplane or something and runs around the circle.]
New boy: Lookit me I'm flying around like a real luchydor now!
[Everyone turns and glares at the new kid but this doesn't deter him as he just keeps running around and around. Finally, one kid picks a brick off of the ground, stands up... and smashes the brick into the poor retarded masked kid's face! The entire crowd is shocked into silence.]
New boy: ......
[But wait, the retard is unharmed! A smear of chocolate covers the part of his masked face that the other kid hit him with, but there is no bleeding and he isn't on the ground unconscious. The masked retard looks at the kid's hand in front of him, which is still holding the now smushed brick. The second boy smirks, pulling the brick to his mouth and biting off a piece.]
Boy #2: It's chocolate, dude!
New boy: Ohhh!
[The masked wonder and the second kid share a laugh, and then kid #2 hands the rest of the chocolate brick to the masked kid before they both sit down and go back to talking like children do. Generic background music begins to play as an announcer's voice comes over the scene.]
Announcer: Hey kids! Have you ever just wanted to hit somebody in the face with a brick, but don't want to deal with the pesky 'illegality' of it all? Well we here at the Organization for Ridding the Earth of Stupid People have got a solution for you!
Chocolate Briiiiiick
Comes in dark and white chocolate types!
Chocolate Briiiick
The original didn't make sense so why should this one, guy!
Comes in dark and white chocolate types!
Chocolate Briiiick
The original didn't make sense so why should this one, guy!
Announcer: Now in stock, Chocolate Bricks come in all shapes and sizes, in fifteen different variant tin foil wrappers! Now you can brick someone in the face and then dispose of the sweet, chocolaty evidence in one fell swoop!
Chocolate Bricks: It's like having your cake and eating it too! If your cake was a brick at least.
======================*======================
[We open up to the Tanner-Young Crash Pad in Tucson, Az. We find Brandon in the kitchen, making a batch of tea with the instructions from Natalie while chewing on a piece of a Chocolate Brick. Chocolate Bricks, now on sale everywhere from TOFRTEOSP Inc! He puts the last bit of ingredients into the tea kettle and then places the kettle onto the stove top.]
Brandon: Man, that stuff smells so good, and I don't even like tea. Then again, it came from Nat, and I don't think there's anything that woman can't make that's awesome food-wise. I just hope I made this one right. We kinda ran outta the one she sent over, morning sickness is a bitch.
[Brandon shivers, then takes a bite out of his chocolate brick before turning on the stove to the desired setting and turning towards the camera.]
Brandon: So, Equinox. That was some crazy shit am i right? 'Course I am! And I dunno, I may not speak for the rest of ya'll but... I'm kinda sick and fuckin tired of this shit with these VAG pansies. I dunno if Kaji thinks he's punishing us or somethin' but really... He did us a favor. He was right, something needed to be done about this nonsense and now... Something WILL be done.
And while Nat definitely isn't gonna like the idea of havin' to wrestle against Nolen and Kara... I think it's a good thing in the end. Maybe Andy and Nolen can work their issues out in between beatin the crap outta the pussies. I got nothing against Kara, heck, she's probably the nicest person on the entire roster save for Natalie, and one would question why she's in this match when she's got the World Title match later in the show but I think I get what Kaji was doin' there too. The VAG hurt her friends, so it's only natural she get a piece of the vengeance as well.
Honestly, the only person I really don't 'get' being in this match... is you, Brickface.
[Brandon stares at the camera before taking another piece off of his chocolate brick.]
Brandon: "Brickface" being you, Eric. I know it's hard to understand things when people don't spell it out for you in paint-by-numbers form so this is me spellin' it out for ya. You wanna know why I hate your guts with every fiber of my being, Eric? Because you are just... So. Dense. You are oblivious to seemingly EVERYTHING around you that isn't you. You couldn't tell the difference between one person hitting you with a brick and an entire faction of people you claimed did so. You spend every show going "Hur dur what am I doing wrong? what am I doing wrong?" Open up your eyes man! You ARE what you're doing wrong! You gave this big ass speech to Nat about how you hated what was happening with her and the VAG yet you didn't lift one goddamn FINGER to help her in her times of need! And then, when you had a chance to prove to her that you were serious? You WALKED AWAY! You left my friend to die at the hands of the very same jackasses you vowed to stop!
And you fucking WONDER why I hate your fucking guts?
[The Young Gun rolls his eyes, turning back to the kettle for a moment and turning it the other way.]
Brandon: Look, I'm an asshole. But at least I'm honest about it. And even though I am an asshole, I still hold true to little things like morals and helping people in need. All those things you CLAIM to do, I've BEEN doing! I back up my friends because I'm a REAL man. You are a phony, Eric. A lair, hiding your face behind your stupid little mask because you don't have what it takes to be a REAL man!
And I am going to take great pleasure in rearranging your stupid face.
I feel sorry for your partners in this, I really do. I wouldn't wanna be saddled with your sorry ass. I don't even hate Tex- Nolen anymore that much after he had my back on Saturday. But even if I did, I'd still feel bad for him having to carry your limp carcass around this match. Unfortunately for Nolen and Kara, this is a still a wrestling match, and, not to steal Kara's catchphrase or anything but yeah... I am in it to win it!
So the way I see it is like this:
1st priority: Wreck the VAG.
2nd Priority: Profit- I mean, Winning.
[Brandon chuckles to himself at his own joke.]
Brandon: I hold no ill will towards Kara, and I hope to think she'd feel the same way, this is a wrestling match and we're all gonna have to cross paths eventually. Our first task is to destroy those fucks who've been ruinin our lives for the past few months but after that? Well someone's gotta win. And as Raptor Jesus as my witness I'ma do all I can to make sure it's us. I may take some pity on ya both because of a) being saddled with Brickface and 2) Kara's Main event later, but that don't mean I'm gonna go easy on ya. Ain't in my nature. So, just a friendly warning.
As far AS the VAG is concerned right now? You gon' die, sons. It's that simple. The three of you little pissants versus five people who want so very much to wipe you off the face of the planet. (And Brickface). Your chances, they are nill. You have no chance to survive make your time. Me, Nat, and Andy, we are like the Atom Bomb being dropped all over your punk asses. There will be nothing left to pick up except chemical waste and body parts.
I hope ya'll got some nice life insurance.
[The kettle begins to whistle as Brandon smirks, turning to the stove he turns it off and moves the kettle to one of the unused spots. He takes a deep breath over the kettle's opening.]
Brandon: You smell that ladies? That's the smell of victory. Of finally finishing this little game with ya'll.
Well, that and tea. Awesome, home-made tea.
[He chuckles again as he reaches up into the cabinet and pulls out two ceramic mugs, pouring tea into both. He picks them up with both hands as he turns to the camera one last time.]
Brandon: I hope you three are ready for war, ladies. Cause that's what it's gonna be. And me? I couldn't be more ready. We'll continue this later I'm sure, but now, I gotta get back to comfortin' my hot wife who's pregnant with my child.
Laters.
[Brandon smirks one last time as he heads out of the kitchen and we...]
[FADE.]