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Post by kris on Jun 27, 2011 20:26:25 GMT -5
Just as it reads... leave any feedback for my Southern Belle here! 
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Post by kris on Jul 12, 2011 0:49:01 GMT -5
No, no I've never seen anyone else do different alignments for different points in time. You raise a good point, though, one I'll try to work on. Thanks for the feedback, and for the compliments as well. I'm hoping that Natalie, here, will go over better than Sachiele.
Anyway, my first official SNV promo is now up. Feedback would definitely be appreciated!
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Post by kris on Aug 16, 2011 17:01:43 GMT -5
Perhaps some feedback on my Rumble promo, then?
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CJ
Prospect
Booze Head
Posts: 295 
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Post by CJ on Aug 16, 2011 17:03:02 GMT -5
Perhaps some feedback on my Rumble promo, then? Sorry gorgeous. I am off work now. When I get time tomorrow, I will do just that. I like to actually leave meaty feedback and not cheat ya. Don't wait up for me!! |
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Post by jackbull on Aug 16, 2011 20:43:09 GMT -5
zomg CJ sighting!
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Post by jackbull on Aug 16, 2011 21:46:38 GMT -5
Okey dokey,
There were bits that I liked and bits that I didnt. In general I kind of like the fighting spirit that Natalie showed, the desire to make a mark. But at the same time I was surprised, because you've always been very keen to be treated just like any male wrestler, but then spent the majority of your promo playing on the fact that as a woman people would overlook you etc? It just felt a little odd.
Then there was the delivery. I kind of felt like you were talking to the dog and not me, if that makes sense. It just didn't seem to have much weight behind it, like Natalie was rambling a little but without a sense of purpose.
Overall then? I don't think the content was such a huge problem, other than contradicting your stated opinion on female wrestlers. It was just the way it was put across. It just kind of fell flat for my money.
On a personal note as well, I hate big blocks of text like that. It makes it a strain to read I find, but that might just be a very personal issue.
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Post by kris on Aug 16, 2011 21:50:37 GMT -5
That's the separation of IC versus OOC, my friend. My views don't necessarily mirror what Natalie's are-- if they did, then she wouldn't be a prim and polite Southern Belle that's waiting until marriage, eheh.
As for her talking to the dog... well, I can sort of see what you mean. I thought I did enough to establish that Samson's presence was merely adding to the down-to-Earth feeling I was going for, but I should've been a bit more clear on that.
But anyway, I appreciate the feedback. I didn't intend for the paragraphs to be so massive, but that's just how they turned out. I'll keep an eye on that in the future.
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Post by jackbull on Aug 16, 2011 22:02:54 GMT -5
.... My views don't necessarily mirror what Natalie's are-- if they did, then she wouldn't be a prim and polite Southern Belle that's waiting until marriage, eheh ...
I stopped listening and started fapping at this point. |
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Post by kris on Aug 16, 2011 22:07:13 GMT -5
.... My views don't necessarily mirror what Natalie's are-- if they did, then she wouldn't be a prim and polite Southern Belle that's waiting until marriage, eheh ...
I stopped listening and started fapping at this point. |
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Aug 17, 2011 23:20:54 GMT -5
While i agree with most of what bull said there are other aspects or similar ones with different views I'd like to point out.
While yes your views are different and your character can view herself as over looked i think she weighed too much on that. People like Scorpion or Warrior aren't going to care they just see a target in front of them that has to be taken out. So while i understand the reason you wrote it how you did this could help later.
As for the dog i like it. granted i kinda cheat and have Roy have a mental sensei at his beck an call. The dog gave it, to me, the feeling you were looking for. Most pet owners talk to their pets about their life and events so it seemed normal and kinda cute.
As for the walls of text. it happens i know i've been guilty a few times. Best thing to do is just try to avoid them and if not make them entertaining.
Overall while i might not think it's the strongest piece i do see it as a main contender. But that's partly character and partly opponents. Everyone knocked it out of the park.
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Post by jackbull on Aug 18, 2011 0:58:12 GMT -5
"As for the walls of text. it happens i know i've been guilty a few times. Best thing to do is ...."
.... hit the enter key more often.
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CJ
Prospect
Booze Head
Posts: 295
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Post by CJ on Aug 18, 2011 14:01:02 GMT -5
(My Grades on a 1-10 scale).
Dialogue: 9
Description: 7
Content: 7
Length: 7
Match Relevance: 8
Feedback: I had a hard time reading this roleplay. Not because of you but more because I recently saw Taylor Swift's skirt go up on youtube. that is one fuckable as-.. Sorry. Anyway, being the southen boy that I am.. I really liked your work. I need to read more from you to learn about this character as I felt a bit "out of the loop" if you catch my drift. The writing was excellent though. That Southern Belle shit should really become interesting with the de-generates around here. Did I mention Taylor Swifts ass?
Oh.. and great job.
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Post by Obi on Aug 19, 2011 0:26:35 GMT -5
Hello my friend. Allow me to return the favor in kind and offer you a bit of feedback.
First of all, I want to really “pat you on the back” in regards to the imagery in that roleplay. I was able to really picture the character vividly in my head, and being a dog lover, I connected with the story. Your description was wonderful. I loved how you paid attention to the dogs tendencies as it acted like a.. well.. A dog. The simplest things make for the most intriguing thoughts. While reading your rp, I found a few punctuation mistakes and missing words here and there, but none of it took anything away from the story at all. Natalie knows what she is up against. The odds are highly against her both morally and physically but she is strong. Very good build up and explanation in that regard. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I actually prefer the blocks of text in this case, as they were one continuous thought. I found no problem with it at all.
With such a huge match set for Natalie.. And a word limit too.. You played to your strengths well. This was a very strong roleplay. Keep it up and I am anxious to see what comes next.
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Post by The Sky King on Aug 23, 2011 10:11:20 GMT -5
- Walls of text don't phase me, so I won't waste your time on stuff like that. All I will say is that the coral colour, accompanied with the bolding, is kind of off-putting. But that's really just a personal complaint and not important.
- The female character really gives a strength to the roleplays. You can tell she doesn't just want to be treated as a piece of eye-candy or as a precious piece of china. Her character of the Southern Belle may be delicate (For lack of a better word), but she's willing to roll up her sleeves and get stuck in swinging when need be. You explored this latter point very well in your latest roleplay, exploring Natalie as the underdog (or rather the perceived underdog of the match) to brilliant effect. Character development, as such, was brilliant in this piece.
- Match relevance was also quite strong, but I felt it got overshadowed by the excellent character development. You still had it in bucketloads, and where you wrote it it definitely came across as well-written, but it felt overshadowed. I feel that this was definitely because of the world-limit (which is a shame). The only minor complaint I could have was that Natalie didn't really pick out specific opponents, rather referring to the general male wrestling populace she's surrounded by. It wasn't a major weakness, though, and probably actually worked better.
- I really liked the inclusion of Samson and the references to him and the overall theme of being the underdog in the match. As Obi said, it's the simplest things that make for the most intriguing thoughts.
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Post by kris on Sept 16, 2011 23:03:16 GMT -5
Feedback would be appreciated, guys! <3
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Post by kidnotorious on Sept 17, 2011 2:37:01 GMT -5
I liked it, but then I might be biased, lol. >_> <_< >_> Bias or no, Natalie is and has been one of my favorite pure face characters, and you continue to show why in her words here. She wants to prove she's as good as everyone else, but she doesn't want or need to go about it in the normal ways (IE- just about everyone in efedding).
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Post by kris on Oct 21, 2011 23:30:21 GMT -5
I can has feedback pease?
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Post by kris on Nov 25, 2011 0:26:20 GMT -5
Maybe I'll have more luck with feedback on my promo for Prestige.
I can has?
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