Post by Skye on Jun 11, 2011 7:15:33 GMT -5
At what point does one give up hope? At what point do you stop waiting for your knight on a chrome charger to ride up and sweep you into his arms and ride you off into the sunset and a wonderful life? Grandma would say if two people are meant for each other, to never give up hope. That God’s hand was at work, and when the time was right, he’d bring the two together. In normal times, Skye would have agreed with her, but these were not normal times. Something dark and sinister was at work in her world, and it had come between her and Toby to pry them apart. Skye didn’t feel so much that she was giving up, it was more that she had no more energy to fight. She’d been beaten, her heart was just too battered and bruised to continue to watch week after week as she was left on the sidelines. Without a word, not included; as if she wasn’t a part of his world anymore. And maybe that was the message he was trying to get through to her, without coming right out and saying it.
Skye shook her head, as if to shake out the dark thoughts. She tried to see the bigger picture, for Annette. She tried to focus on the beauty of the landscaping in the yard. The serenity she had created for herself the past months, anything but the dark feelings that seemed to whisper from behind her. She sipped at the glass of wine in her hand and cast her mind back to when she had first seen Toby, years ago, in his previous incarnation as Oblivion, when she had first started watching professional wrestling. His intensity and power, family devotion, and charisma with the fans had impressed her. She smiled as she recalled those days, going to the shows to take photos, getting caught up in the excitement of his wins. She’d never understood really why she had felt so connected. Her grandmother would have said something about fate. Skye laughed to herself. Grandma had such a romantic view on life, but grandma had been married to the man of her dreams for over fifty years, blissfully married, no dark clouds scudded across her sunny skies. Skye had had sunny skies for a time too. Closing her eyes and leaning her head on the back of the chair, she recalled the first time she saw Toby walk into the Devil’s Due garage. Oh, how her heart had raced. And she still trembled when she remembered the first time they’d been together. It had been so perfect for her, and she’d been sure he’d felt the same way. She would always love Toby, even if he no longer loved her. She didn’t understand what had happened out there while he’d been away, and she had hoped their love would be able to withstand it. Apparently, God had withdrawn his hand in this.
Finishing the last swallow of her wine, she stood up and took a long look around what had become a haven for her. The setting sun cast long shadows and a warm glow across the lawn and into the foliage along the fencing. Skye was going to miss this yard, but under the circumstances, she really couldn’t stay here anymore. She wasn’t happy with what she was doing, but she didn’t have a choice. Oh, some people would say “you always have a choice.” Sure, but when you truly love someone, you do what’s best for them, not what you think will make you happy.
Skye turned and walked into the house, sliding the door closed and securely locking it. She washed and dried the glass, and put it away in the cupboard, hung up the towel and left the kitchen looking neat and tidy. Only the light above the stove was left on as always, when she walked down the hall to her darkroom to collect the last box of her supplies.
Tears slipped down her cheeks as she looked around the empty room, the memory of the day Toby had surprised her with it, just for her to pursue her favorite hobby, to not have to depend on Sonny’s kindness all the time. It had been the sweetest and most loving thing anyone had ever done for her, ever.
Carrying the box out to the garage, she set it in the back of the borrowed truck and opened the garage door. She pulled the truck out onto the driveway, left it running and went back into the house. Closing the garage and kitchen door behind her, she made one last walk through to check for open windows and left a note on the kitchen counter for Toby. She’d drop the keys off at the desk of the EUW for him to pick up. She picked up her purse from the table in the front hall, and opened the front door. Squaring her shoulders, she stepped out into the setting sun, and pulled the door behind her, one difficult step taken. She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand as she climbed into the truck, put it into gear and pulled out of the driveway, heading for the condo the EUW had bought for her, about half an hour away.
Difficult decisions, difficult situations. Skye was stressed out. She worried about Annette. She worried about Toby. She worried about her grandparents. About the only thing she felt was going right lately was that her bike was running fine.
When she looked in the mirror, she was certain the stress showed. She wasn’t sure if makeup and fake smiles were enough to hide it for the cameras on show nights. She hadn’t been sleeping well. She had no appetite – she’d lost weight. That wasn’t all bad, since she’d put on a little too much with all the traveling and catered tables backstage. Some of her clothes had gotten a bit too tight. But still, losing weight from stress was not good, as Sonny pointed out to her, he constantly bugged her to eat.
Her grandparents had been having trouble with the sale of their house and the bank. Skye had gone over their financial paperwork and tax forms, everything looked in order, and the buyer was happy about the sale. She’d sat in the meetings with their lawyer and knew he was doing everything to help them. But still, they didn’t understand what the problem was, it seemed something very elusive.
Her grandmother would just smile and say that God never gave us more than we could handle, that our trials were in always preparation for something, and that coming through those trials the reward would be well worth it. Skye had thought about that a lot on lonely nights, whether she was sitting astride her bike on the highway, wind in her hair, or bent over a pan of developing fluid and a new batch of pictures. Somehow, those words from her grandmother had brought her a measure of peace, if not complete freedom from her worries. She often wished she could have more of her grandmother’s utter faith in everything turning out alright.
When the LVC had beaten up Cole and taken Annette, Skye had stood at ringside in utter shock. She saw pure anger fill every sinew of Toby’s body as he listened to the taunts. She knew that if Mr. Luck, or either of his cronies had been within reach, they would not be alive today. Maybe others thought he was mad, angry… but Skye knew those words were not even close to describing what Toby had felt. She felt that even she couldn’t comprehend the depth of his fury, and she knew how deeply angry she was. Annette and Cole were like family to her too. They had taken her in and given her a good job that suited her personality when she didn’t seem to fit in anywhere else. They had brought her together with Toby and that in turn led her to the job she held now. Skye would do anything for the two of them.
She tried to help Cole out a couple times after he was hurt and Annette was gone, to do some housework, laundry and such for him, but he asked her to stop, told her he didn’t need a nursemaid. She even went with some of the guys on the searches, looking for Annette. But Skye didn’t know Luck and his crew much. They didn’t talk much to her, unless they had to. Unlike some of the other wrestlers, who sometimes could be found hanging out with the backstage crew, or stopped to talk to her and had actually taken time to find out a little about her life outside of the arena. So while she really wasn’t much assistance, she felt better being around the Devil’s Due members.
(the next day)
“How had things come to this? This was not how I saw my life, this was not what I wanted.” Skye muttered to herself as she unloaded the last box from the truck in the condo’s garage, “It’s still not what I want.” She stood upright and stretched her back. “I just don’t know how or even if I can fix it.” Sighing, she attempted to put that conundrum aside for now. She grabbed her bag from the counter inside, closed the house door and climbed into the truck. She needed to return it to the stagehand who had loaned it to her. She’d drop off the house keys for Toby at the office at the same time.
Walking down the lushly carpeted hallway of the EUW arena offices, Skye was struck by the quiet. She didn’t come here very often, and forgot how different it was from the arena proper, where it was almost always bustling and crowded, with staff and equipment. Here it was quiet, and professional, and reminded her a bit of the staid accounting firms she used to work in, except for the posters interspersed along the walls. She reached the reception desk and briefly explaining that she was leaving it for Toby, Skye handed a padded envelope to Sally, the receptionist stuck with weekend duty. Sally looked at her curiously for a moment, then nodded and stuck the envelope in the top drawer with a nod and a sympathetic smile for Skye. Thanking her, Skye headed towards the backstage to return the truck keys and then get her bike. One more thing off the checklist. Tears pricked her eyelids. The day was not getting any easier, despite things getting done.
You don't know how far I'd go to ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give, or how much I can take
(several hours later)
“I think that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” Skye sobbed against Sonny’s shoulder. He stroked her back, and tried to soothe her, but he knew her heart would have to heal in its own time. Right now, all he could do was offer her wracking body a steady shoulder to lean on, and maybe probe a little deeper into her motives for splitting up with Toby.
“Sweets, why did you do that?” He asked, gently pushing her away from him, and looking into her swollen, red rimmed eyes.
She sniffled, and blew her nose on the tissue she’d been clutching in her hand, “Because, he needs to be focusing on finding Annette, on helping the EUW. I’d be in the way if I asked for any of his attention right now.” Skye smiled tremulously but avoided looking directly at Sonny, “And, I can’t stand his ignoring me anymore.”
Sonny looked confused, “When has he been ignoring you? He’s been to several of the shows lately,” He had a feeling there was more to her reasons than she was telling, she'd never been good at lying to him.
Skye nodded, and tears began to slip down her cheeks again, “Yes, and every single time, he’s barely given me a glance, let alone even talked to me. I’ve had trouble keeping my composure on stage. And,” she paused and began to cry again, “I overheard some girls in the Devil’s Due bar bathroom talking, so I know other people have noticed it too."
In her head, Skye flashed back to what she’d overheard that night in the ladies room. Skye was in a stall, so they didn’t know she was there and she could see them through the space in the door. One was blond, short hair spiked up, punk style, wearing a tank top, she had a snake tattooed up one arm, ending with an apple in its mouth at her shoulder. The other girl had long, smooth, straight black hair that ended mid back, just above her hips, where a scattering of blue and red butterflies floated under the hem of her t-shirt.
The blond spoke, “God, Toby is such a hunk, and have you noticed?... he hasn’t been giving Skye any attention since he’s been back.” She smirked at her friend as she walked into the next stall over, “Think I have a chance?”
“I don’t see why not. He’s probably tired of redheads.” Laughed the dark haired girl, “We‘ll just have to start hanging out here more often, I know a couple of the guys pretty well, I bet I can get you an introduction.”
The blonde stepped out to the sound of flushing, “Cool.” She rinsed her hands and they left.
Skye remembered the horrid feeling that had blossomed in the pit of her stomach at the time
“So what… you decided you should break with him before he did with you?” Sonny asked with an arched eyebrow.
Her voice cracked when she answered, “Honestly, I’m not even sure he’s been thinking of us as a couple anymore, Sonny. He hasn’t called me since the night you two took off out of the yard. It’s as if whatever happened that night, he decided that was it, we were through.” Skye reached around Sonny and pulled a couple more tissues from the box. Dabbing at her eyes and blowing her nose, she continued, “At least this way, I know where I stand.” Leaning against her best pal, she looked down at her hands, now lying limply in her lap, “Sonny, why did I find love only to lose it? First Dusty, now Toby,” She sobbed quietly now, dabbing her eyes and wiping at her cheeks,
“Oh Sweets, you didn’t. Toby loves you. Things bigger than both of you have gotten in the way.” Sonny put an arm around her and hugged her tight, “Timing, it’s all about timing. That’s about all the advice I can offer you.”
“Yeah, something bigger than both of us,” She shook her head sadly, “but it hurts so bad I feel like I’ll never be whole again.”
They sat in quiet contemplation a while, only the sound of the television playing low and Skye’s soft sobbing in the room. Sonny looked down at a friend he considered a sister, aching for her and wishing he could take away her pain. He saw that she had cried herself to sleep. Gently, he pulled his arm from around her and eased her over onto the sofa. Pulling the afghan off the back of the sofa he gently covered her, dimmed the lights and made sure the doors were locked. As he walked down the hall to his own room, he hoped that things would look brighter in the morning, but he doubted it. ‘People say that death is the ultimate sacrifice,’ Sonny thought to himself, ‘I think that perhaps, giving up someone you love very deeply, could be the second greatest sacrifice. Perhaps more painful, because you might have to stick around and see the aftermath.’ He pondered this idea and his dear friend’s heartache as he prepared for bed and tried to fall sleep.
Skye shook her head, as if to shake out the dark thoughts. She tried to see the bigger picture, for Annette. She tried to focus on the beauty of the landscaping in the yard. The serenity she had created for herself the past months, anything but the dark feelings that seemed to whisper from behind her. She sipped at the glass of wine in her hand and cast her mind back to when she had first seen Toby, years ago, in his previous incarnation as Oblivion, when she had first started watching professional wrestling. His intensity and power, family devotion, and charisma with the fans had impressed her. She smiled as she recalled those days, going to the shows to take photos, getting caught up in the excitement of his wins. She’d never understood really why she had felt so connected. Her grandmother would have said something about fate. Skye laughed to herself. Grandma had such a romantic view on life, but grandma had been married to the man of her dreams for over fifty years, blissfully married, no dark clouds scudded across her sunny skies. Skye had had sunny skies for a time too. Closing her eyes and leaning her head on the back of the chair, she recalled the first time she saw Toby walk into the Devil’s Due garage. Oh, how her heart had raced. And she still trembled when she remembered the first time they’d been together. It had been so perfect for her, and she’d been sure he’d felt the same way. She would always love Toby, even if he no longer loved her. She didn’t understand what had happened out there while he’d been away, and she had hoped their love would be able to withstand it. Apparently, God had withdrawn his hand in this.
Finishing the last swallow of her wine, she stood up and took a long look around what had become a haven for her. The setting sun cast long shadows and a warm glow across the lawn and into the foliage along the fencing. Skye was going to miss this yard, but under the circumstances, she really couldn’t stay here anymore. She wasn’t happy with what she was doing, but she didn’t have a choice. Oh, some people would say “you always have a choice.” Sure, but when you truly love someone, you do what’s best for them, not what you think will make you happy.
Skye turned and walked into the house, sliding the door closed and securely locking it. She washed and dried the glass, and put it away in the cupboard, hung up the towel and left the kitchen looking neat and tidy. Only the light above the stove was left on as always, when she walked down the hall to her darkroom to collect the last box of her supplies.
Tears slipped down her cheeks as she looked around the empty room, the memory of the day Toby had surprised her with it, just for her to pursue her favorite hobby, to not have to depend on Sonny’s kindness all the time. It had been the sweetest and most loving thing anyone had ever done for her, ever.
Carrying the box out to the garage, she set it in the back of the borrowed truck and opened the garage door. She pulled the truck out onto the driveway, left it running and went back into the house. Closing the garage and kitchen door behind her, she made one last walk through to check for open windows and left a note on the kitchen counter for Toby. She’d drop the keys off at the desk of the EUW for him to pick up. She picked up her purse from the table in the front hall, and opened the front door. Squaring her shoulders, she stepped out into the setting sun, and pulled the door behind her, one difficult step taken. She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand as she climbed into the truck, put it into gear and pulled out of the driveway, heading for the condo the EUW had bought for her, about half an hour away.
I would dial the numbers, just to listen to your breath
I would stand inside my hell, and hold the hand of death
I would stand inside my hell, and hold the hand of death
Difficult decisions, difficult situations. Skye was stressed out. She worried about Annette. She worried about Toby. She worried about her grandparents. About the only thing she felt was going right lately was that her bike was running fine.
When she looked in the mirror, she was certain the stress showed. She wasn’t sure if makeup and fake smiles were enough to hide it for the cameras on show nights. She hadn’t been sleeping well. She had no appetite – she’d lost weight. That wasn’t all bad, since she’d put on a little too much with all the traveling and catered tables backstage. Some of her clothes had gotten a bit too tight. But still, losing weight from stress was not good, as Sonny pointed out to her, he constantly bugged her to eat.
Her grandparents had been having trouble with the sale of their house and the bank. Skye had gone over their financial paperwork and tax forms, everything looked in order, and the buyer was happy about the sale. She’d sat in the meetings with their lawyer and knew he was doing everything to help them. But still, they didn’t understand what the problem was, it seemed something very elusive.
Her grandmother would just smile and say that God never gave us more than we could handle, that our trials were in always preparation for something, and that coming through those trials the reward would be well worth it. Skye had thought about that a lot on lonely nights, whether she was sitting astride her bike on the highway, wind in her hair, or bent over a pan of developing fluid and a new batch of pictures. Somehow, those words from her grandmother had brought her a measure of peace, if not complete freedom from her worries. She often wished she could have more of her grandmother’s utter faith in everything turning out alright.
When the LVC had beaten up Cole and taken Annette, Skye had stood at ringside in utter shock. She saw pure anger fill every sinew of Toby’s body as he listened to the taunts. She knew that if Mr. Luck, or either of his cronies had been within reach, they would not be alive today. Maybe others thought he was mad, angry… but Skye knew those words were not even close to describing what Toby had felt. She felt that even she couldn’t comprehend the depth of his fury, and she knew how deeply angry she was. Annette and Cole were like family to her too. They had taken her in and given her a good job that suited her personality when she didn’t seem to fit in anywhere else. They had brought her together with Toby and that in turn led her to the job she held now. Skye would do anything for the two of them.
She tried to help Cole out a couple times after he was hurt and Annette was gone, to do some housework, laundry and such for him, but he asked her to stop, told her he didn’t need a nursemaid. She even went with some of the guys on the searches, looking for Annette. But Skye didn’t know Luck and his crew much. They didn’t talk much to her, unless they had to. Unlike some of the other wrestlers, who sometimes could be found hanging out with the backstage crew, or stopped to talk to her and had actually taken time to find out a little about her life outside of the arena. So while she really wasn’t much assistance, she felt better being around the Devil’s Due members.
(the next day)
“How had things come to this? This was not how I saw my life, this was not what I wanted.” Skye muttered to herself as she unloaded the last box from the truck in the condo’s garage, “It’s still not what I want.” She stood upright and stretched her back. “I just don’t know how or even if I can fix it.” Sighing, she attempted to put that conundrum aside for now. She grabbed her bag from the counter inside, closed the house door and climbed into the truck. She needed to return it to the stagehand who had loaned it to her. She’d drop off the house keys for Toby at the office at the same time.
Walking down the lushly carpeted hallway of the EUW arena offices, Skye was struck by the quiet. She didn’t come here very often, and forgot how different it was from the arena proper, where it was almost always bustling and crowded, with staff and equipment. Here it was quiet, and professional, and reminded her a bit of the staid accounting firms she used to work in, except for the posters interspersed along the walls. She reached the reception desk and briefly explaining that she was leaving it for Toby, Skye handed a padded envelope to Sally, the receptionist stuck with weekend duty. Sally looked at her curiously for a moment, then nodded and stuck the envelope in the top drawer with a nod and a sympathetic smile for Skye. Thanking her, Skye headed towards the backstage to return the truck keys and then get her bike. One more thing off the checklist. Tears pricked her eyelids. The day was not getting any easier, despite things getting done.
You don't know how far I'd go to ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give, or how much I can take
(several hours later)
“I think that was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” Skye sobbed against Sonny’s shoulder. He stroked her back, and tried to soothe her, but he knew her heart would have to heal in its own time. Right now, all he could do was offer her wracking body a steady shoulder to lean on, and maybe probe a little deeper into her motives for splitting up with Toby.
“Sweets, why did you do that?” He asked, gently pushing her away from him, and looking into her swollen, red rimmed eyes.
She sniffled, and blew her nose on the tissue she’d been clutching in her hand, “Because, he needs to be focusing on finding Annette, on helping the EUW. I’d be in the way if I asked for any of his attention right now.” Skye smiled tremulously but avoided looking directly at Sonny, “And, I can’t stand his ignoring me anymore.”
Sonny looked confused, “When has he been ignoring you? He’s been to several of the shows lately,” He had a feeling there was more to her reasons than she was telling, she'd never been good at lying to him.
Skye nodded, and tears began to slip down her cheeks again, “Yes, and every single time, he’s barely given me a glance, let alone even talked to me. I’ve had trouble keeping my composure on stage. And,” she paused and began to cry again, “I overheard some girls in the Devil’s Due bar bathroom talking, so I know other people have noticed it too."
In her head, Skye flashed back to what she’d overheard that night in the ladies room. Skye was in a stall, so they didn’t know she was there and she could see them through the space in the door. One was blond, short hair spiked up, punk style, wearing a tank top, she had a snake tattooed up one arm, ending with an apple in its mouth at her shoulder. The other girl had long, smooth, straight black hair that ended mid back, just above her hips, where a scattering of blue and red butterflies floated under the hem of her t-shirt.
The blond spoke, “God, Toby is such a hunk, and have you noticed?... he hasn’t been giving Skye any attention since he’s been back.” She smirked at her friend as she walked into the next stall over, “Think I have a chance?”
“I don’t see why not. He’s probably tired of redheads.” Laughed the dark haired girl, “We‘ll just have to start hanging out here more often, I know a couple of the guys pretty well, I bet I can get you an introduction.”
The blonde stepped out to the sound of flushing, “Cool.” She rinsed her hands and they left.
Skye remembered the horrid feeling that had blossomed in the pit of her stomach at the time
“So what… you decided you should break with him before he did with you?” Sonny asked with an arched eyebrow.
Her voice cracked when she answered, “Honestly, I’m not even sure he’s been thinking of us as a couple anymore, Sonny. He hasn’t called me since the night you two took off out of the yard. It’s as if whatever happened that night, he decided that was it, we were through.” Skye reached around Sonny and pulled a couple more tissues from the box. Dabbing at her eyes and blowing her nose, she continued, “At least this way, I know where I stand.” Leaning against her best pal, she looked down at her hands, now lying limply in her lap, “Sonny, why did I find love only to lose it? First Dusty, now Toby,” She sobbed quietly now, dabbing her eyes and wiping at her cheeks,
“Oh Sweets, you didn’t. Toby loves you. Things bigger than both of you have gotten in the way.” Sonny put an arm around her and hugged her tight, “Timing, it’s all about timing. That’s about all the advice I can offer you.”
“Yeah, something bigger than both of us,” She shook her head sadly, “but it hurts so bad I feel like I’ll never be whole again.”
They sat in quiet contemplation a while, only the sound of the television playing low and Skye’s soft sobbing in the room. Sonny looked down at a friend he considered a sister, aching for her and wishing he could take away her pain. He saw that she had cried herself to sleep. Gently, he pulled his arm from around her and eased her over onto the sofa. Pulling the afghan off the back of the sofa he gently covered her, dimmed the lights and made sure the doors were locked. As he walked down the hall to his own room, he hoped that things would look brighter in the morning, but he doubted it. ‘People say that death is the ultimate sacrifice,’ Sonny thought to himself, ‘I think that perhaps, giving up someone you love very deeply, could be the second greatest sacrifice. Perhaps more painful, because you might have to stick around and see the aftermath.’ He pondered this idea and his dear friend’s heartache as he prepared for bed and tried to fall sleep.
Nothing fills the blackness that has seeped into my chest
I need you in my blood, I am forsaking all the rest
I don't care what they think, I don't care what they say
What do they know about this love anyway?
I need you in my blood, I am forsaking all the rest
I don't care what they think, I don't care what they say
What do they know about this love anyway?
