Bane
Prospect
Posts: 142
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Post by Bane on May 27, 2011 15:37:42 GMT -5
Hey everyone the latest chapter is up let me know what you guys think about it.
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Post by primetime on May 27, 2011 17:38:50 GMT -5
Miami Florida past... As Bane and Cysco sat outside waiting for Hector to show and for the word from Murphy to raid the place. Cysco thought he would try again and find out what was really eating his partner Bane up and why he was being suck a dick.Epic, lol. |
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Post by jackbull on May 27, 2011 18:25:51 GMT -5
It was good. It's nice to see how the story involving Hector gets more developed each week, and we find out a little bit more about why Bane is the way he is.
The trick with the speech worked. It was much easier to tell who was talking this time around and that helped those sections to flow a little better and make it easier to keep track of the conversation.
I think the next stage for you is to work more on talking about the match. So keep the character development section that you have now, you're getting good at that bit, and then finish the RP with a more developed talk about your opponents.
Perhaps ask yourself a few questions when you're writing these bits;
- What does Bane think of each opponent (if more than one) as a person?
- Does he respect them? Why? (or why not)
- How does he think his wrestling style will work against theirs?
- How does Bane plan to beat them?
- What does Bane hope to achieve by winning? Will he just prove a point? Does he hope it will earn him a title shot? Does he hope it will make him feel better?
When the match relevance section gets as good as the character development, you'll be well on your way to the top dude.
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