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Post by Nick Fudge on Apr 20, 2011 13:35:29 GMT -5
Hello everyone. Long time no see, eh. Well last night i was partaking in a little pre 4/20 celebration and happened to stumble upon EUWs link on stumble upon. I know, pretty ironic right. So I decided I needed to put a proper end to Nick Fudge. I wrote these two role plays as kind of a warmup for a creative writing exam I have to take next week. So please bare through the different techniques of stream of consensus I was trying to practice.
So ya, let me know what you think. Was it a proper riding off into the sunset ending or should I have gone the double homicide-suicide route.
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Post by The Sky King on Apr 26, 2011 8:18:13 GMT -5
Wow. Just wow, really. Reading this, I think you have something left in the saddle, but I personally respect people who can wrap things up and say "It ends here." Kudos to you on that behalf. The writing itself was stellar. I'm not tossing in that word because it sounds fancy, but because that's what it is. Both your RPs are great narrative pieces, walking us through the life and times of Nick Fudge. RP I was very emotional, and it set out the beginning of the end very well indeed. The RP already had that sense of closure, even at the beginning. Not only that, but you don't just focus on one stream of time, you hop towards Fudge trying to end his life only for him not to. It seems random, but it adds a certain..poignancy to the RP, something which goes well with portraying Fudge as an old vagabond. Also: “Should I return? Does my body have enough left for one more tour of duty? Does the last gunslinger return at high noon one more time to test his luck? Or do I retreat to the land of the lost and fall by the wayside like the last of the gunslingers and rebels. Do I go out there one more time? Or do I go curl up and die?” What a fucking excellent, harrowing quote. Seriously. Not many people can set the overall tone of their RP in just one piece of speech, but you did it here. I wish I had thought this up so I could use it! It really is perhaps one of the most powerful bits of speech i've read in e-fedding in recent memory. That sense of closure, that emotion, that tussling between going back or simply fading into the mists of time.. Part II took on a better tone. The flicking through time was an interesting experience, and the experience of Fudge and the old man talking at random thanks to liquor and cigarettes continued on the gritty tone of the RP. I didn't expect for the old man to be Fudges father but, like RP I, it ended up being something which added poignancy to the events. The ending. The final ending...Well, you built up to it, and you fired off the shot without a twitch. It was BRILLIANT! It was emotional, but wow was it powerful. The imagery of having Fudge crack a smile after his earlier reminiscing in RP I of suicide was a great contrast...the dialogue between father and son, the mulling over the mothers death, the reassurance that Fudge has finally completed his journey...The quote about the end just being another journey. No loose ends here, just a perfect wrap-up. As a piece of writing, it's one of the better pieces i've seen as a whole. Not just e-fedding, but general writing. As I said, it is stellar. It was poignant without being too corny, it was emotional without going overboard, it managed to balance the tone and it managed to put its foot down without leaving an "..Or is it over?" at the end. Congratulations. Definitely a top-notch piece of writing. I think you'll pass that exam with ease. |
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