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Post by jackbull on Jun 5, 2011 17:08:46 GMT -5
Cheers Big Dog.
My absolute biggest worry was messing up Obi's dialogue so I'm really glad that you were happy with it.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Jun 5, 2011 17:20:01 GMT -5
I'm really enjoying it. One key thing which speaks to the piece as a whole, I want to read the next one. I finished the second with the general consensus of "But I want to know what happens next NOW!" It's like a good TV show in that sense.
I like the concept. It's very logical, very straightforward, and very specific. Bull isn't a wrestler, so he needs to learn from a wrestler. Bull needs to make sure not to make X's mistakes. Bull needs to learn from the guy who knows X's mistakes. Etc.
The dialogue was good. It took me a sec to get used to the color coding, it wasn't necessarily confusing, I just took a sec to be certain which color belonged to who. All good really. I think when the third rolls in it'll be a very complete saga. You will have really covered your bases, really gotten prepared, and likely wrapped it all up just right.
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Post by primetime on Jun 5, 2011 18:11:13 GMT -5
I only had one problem with that RP. It's a pretty big one though.. Xplode doesn't make mistakes.
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Post by jackbull on Jun 5, 2011 18:14:39 GMT -5
Cheers dude.
I'm glad you're anticipating the next one. That's a good thing to hear.
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Post by jackbull on Jun 5, 2011 18:15:47 GMT -5
I only had one problem with that RP. It's a pretty big one though.. Xplode doesn't make mistakes. Haha. Keep telling yourself that as you rock the shit out that retirment chair.
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Jun 9, 2011 2:47:58 GMT -5
As said above. It was good. Every entertaining and driving. It held true to what Jack Bull is while upping the game to the match you are in. Great work man best of luck
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Post by jackbull on Jun 9, 2011 16:06:55 GMT -5
Cheers dude.
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Post by Mr. C on Jun 9, 2011 18:43:46 GMT -5
The entire series with Xplode has been fun. It's a creative approach. I've read hundreds of RPs where the entire thing is a guy training for his match, some work, some don't. This worked. And it worked because of the detail, the precision, the way you wrote the maneuvers. It wasn't just a generic "Then I did some pushups, and I felt I got stronger, then I punched a punching bag, because I wanted to be a better puncher." You demonstrated the techniques well, and you wrote the developments well, too. It was very Rocky-esque, and you didn't have to forsake the Jack Bull dialogue charm to do so. In fact, I think having X as the foil made the banter that much more enjoyable. Good writing, mate.
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Post by jackbull on Jun 9, 2011 18:51:29 GMT -5
Hugz for teh Tommeh!!!
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Post by irobin on Jun 11, 2011 9:21:16 GMT -5
Your series with Xplode as a mentor has served you well, it’s given you an extra voice to work with, in the absence of Chuck Johnson and it has shown Bull maturing, which clearly leads to plenty of opportunity for good, strong character development.
There’s no shortage of match relevance, and plenty of the usual Jack Bull humour and charm that I have come to expect. Your first piece had less focus on the match at hand (and, let’s be fair, it’s the World title – it’s a big deal and I expect a huge focus on it) but your second and third did pay it some dues, so that’s not really a problem in the grand scheme. That’s the beauty of writing a few roleplays, you can cover all the bases individually, so long as the three flow.
Do these roleplays flow? The first and second do, they flow well and they’re every bit of the quality and level I would expect to see from a World Title contender. The third, however, is a bit… Disjointed. Not that it doesn’t follow similar themes or have the same motivations behind it, but it doesn’t flow in the same way and isn’t to the same standard as the other two. I almost get the feeling that this was written because you wanted to write three pieces, rather than actually wanting to write this interview. Maybe that’s not the case, but the first two were quite some way beyond this, so it’s a more noticeable drop in quality as a result.
That aside, the pieces are all well-written, typically Jack Bull, with energy and pride and passion and you’re definitely worthy of winning this match. It’s not going to be an easy decision to make at all, because both you and the Scorpion really did bring it all.
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Post by jackbull on Jun 11, 2011 10:28:59 GMT -5
In general thank you for the feedback, but I do have to take issue with a few things. I'm presuming the votes have all been cast now so I'm not highlighting anything that staff have otherwise missed in their first read through. If they haven't voted they should probably do so before reading this:
"Your first piece had less focus on the match at hand (and, let’s be fair, it’s the World title – it’s a big deal and I expect a huge focus on it) but your second and third did pay it some dues...."
- Frankly I find this very odd and I think you missed the whole point. Why is Jack training with Xplode? He's never done it before? The reason is that he wants to win the title, so he seeks out the best wrestler he can to help sharpen his toolbox. Maybe the match itself wasn't overly mentioned, but Jack is not just refreshing his training, he is developing purely with an eye on the gold.
(with regards to the last RP) "I almost get the feeling that this was written because you wanted to write three pieces, rather than actually wanting to write this interview,"
- This left me a little gutted. This was the RP that I most wanted to write for this period and the original roleplay was about three times the length of the one that was posted. I made a concious effort to review it, edit it, and generally carve out every last ounce of unneccessary blabber into all that was left was what I felt was the shining core.
People always complain about long roleplays with lots of filler, and certainly when I was a judge I know I did, so I made a deliberate effort to make this one sharp, just the cutting edges that were needed and nothing more. Now I'm essentially being punished for that.
It took me about two days of lavish devotion (and a shit load of Tesco value coffee) to bring this one together. I also find it frustrating, because in the past you've given me feedback about expressing a characters emotions, feelings and mentality and how important that is to you as a judge, and yet when I write an RP full of Jacks emotions and his mentality it gets dismissed out of hand?
That just seems a touch inconsistent if I'm honest.
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Post by primetime on Jun 11, 2011 15:46:03 GMT -5
(My Grades on a 1-10 scale). Dialogue: 9.5 Description: 7.5 Content: 9 Length: 8 Match Relevance: 10
Summary:
My turn.
I personally enjoyed your roleplay. My enjoyment had nothing to do with the fact that Xplode was in it either. You showed progression throughout each chapter, taking us along for the ride as Jack trained for his upcoming bout. Personally, I am not a fan of long roleplays at all, though on PPV events I totally agree with it, and the length of your series was just right for me. I still feel as we talked about that you really did not change the formula in terms of your focus when writing it, and you didn’t need to. “If it isn’t broke, why fix it?”
What do I mean by this? Well, Jack’s roleplay usually consist of ample dialog and humor with light background and character development beyond the task at hand. I see no problem with this at all. Every one of us have a way of doing things as we write and rarely stray from it. You do what you do well. Hence your World Title shot. Now that I have explained this, I will move on. You wrote my character extremely well and even did a bang up job with Oblivion. Now that I think about it, you did move out of the comfort zone when you took the liberties to involve new characters and surroundings so that was also a damn good move on your behalf.
I am not going to sit here and smash your roleplay. I would rather point out what I liked about it. Who am I to know how to write Jack Bull? Only you would dude. Thanks for letting me read that series, all things aside. It was a good voyage. Certainly in my mind, worthy of a World Championship.
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Post by jackbull on Jun 11, 2011 16:12:25 GMT -5
Tard.
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Post by primetime on Jun 11, 2011 16:14:03 GMT -5
Tard. Ugh, fuck this feedback thing. You guys are buttholes.
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Jun 11, 2011 16:15:12 GMT -5
Tard. Ugh, fuck this feedback thing. You guys are buttholes. But what about MEEEEEE?!?!
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Post by primetime on Jun 11, 2011 16:16:02 GMT -5
Ugh, fuck this feedback thing. You guys are buttholes. But what about MEEEEEE?!?! You're gay. That was easy enough and I didn't typo at all!
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Post by jackbull on Jun 11, 2011 16:21:37 GMT -5
Can you ladies take your shit out of my thread please? And uhm, my banner appears to have gone bye bye.
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Post by primetime on Jun 11, 2011 16:22:07 GMT -5
Can you ladies take your shit out of my thread please? And uhm, my banner appears to have gone bye bye. Looks like it is there to me.
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Post by irobin on Jun 11, 2011 16:22:14 GMT -5
It's still there.
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Post by jackbull on Jun 11, 2011 16:24:44 GMT -5
Yeah, it disappeared but has now returned. Just the boards being gay I feel. Warrior's influence is rubbing off
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Post by irobin on Jun 11, 2011 16:25:42 GMT -5
It's all that damn Firewind fucking up the board.
Needs more Gaga, right, Jack?
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