Jack Bulls "What the fuck did you just say?" topic

[jackbull]

Ok, I know I'm pretty legendary for a lack of feedback so this kind of seems odd but.... I want some feedback ;D (even dug out a little chinese smile for you)

I'm willing to trade, so here goes;

I'm looking for a) feedback on my latest RP (Lady Wrestling) and b) just my character in general.

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. If your give me feedback then I'll return the favour.

Just let me know whether you want me to give you some on A (your latest RP) and/or B. You can designate a topic you want me to post in or ask for a PM and I'll do which ever.

Cheers big ears.

[CJ]

Apr 13, 2011 23:01:48 GMT -5 @jackbull said:

Ok, I know I'm pretty legendary for a lack of feedback so this kind of seems odd but.... I want some feedback ;D (even dug out a little chinese smile for you)

I'm willing to trade, so here goes;

I'm looking for a) feedback on my latest RP (Lady Wrestling) and b) just my character in general.

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. If your give me feedback then I'll return the favour.

Just let me know whether you want me to give you some on A (your latest RP) and/or B. You can designate a topic you want me to post in or ask for a PM and I'll do which ever.

Cheers big ears.

Shit, man. I loved both of your roleplays this period. "Having a Bud" was fucking hilarious. Period. As for your character, you are a stand out amongst the fed, story wise and character wise. You are ready for the big time.. (hint: Jaden.. ) What the hell do I know though, I am a redneck.

[jackbull]

Ha ha, cheers dude. I thought you might like Having a Bud. I think we've established CJ now as a crackshot with a beer mat.

[Skye]

I've been swamped at work, and trying to read everyone's RPs so I can give feedback, but ok - you get first.

Jack - Having a Bud was good, but Lady Wrestling blew me away!
That was some of your best writing to date imho. F-ing awesome!

[jackbull]

First! (it's just like being on YouTube!)

Cheers Skye. I wasn't so sure about Lady Wrestling and whether people would like it but now I'm a little more confident about it. Everyone seems happy so far!!

[irobin]

First off, “Lady Wrestling” really was a misleading title. I expected half-naked mud-fighting babes, not… Sweaty Jack running around and shouting at the sky.

That said, I really feel that this roleplay is one of your best efforts in recent weeks, not that your others have been bad, but this one was just better in my opinion. Your B2R roleplays conveyed Jack as a champion, and a fighting champion, that tried hard for the fans and the title, but this roleplay actually felt more emotional. More heartfelt, as if these were real emotions. Rather than just saying how much the Pure Title meant to Jack, this roleplay showed it. It showed how he felt about the loss, and how, despite some misgivings, Jack Bull is still a fighter and he isn’t going to just back down now. That’s something that always scores well in my book, a bit of power and raw emotion, rather than just words on a screen.

The roleplay itself had plenty of content, from Jack’s return to an empty home with no win or title or companion, to his current reluctance to bother with Sarah at the moment and his letter from Kirk. Where did you get such an original idea as a letter in a Manila envelope? Jack’s frustration at losing the belt and presumably losing his rematch clause are evident and the reactions go a long way to showing just how much this means to him. It’s not just a match, or a belt, it’s his. Without it, the rest of his world seems out of whack, too.

As is expected from you, it’s well-written and all the basics (match relevance etc.) get covered with a hefty dose of character development. All in all, I think it’s a really good roleplay and I can’t see anything wrong with it. It’s the sort of roleplay that anyone would struggle to top, great work.

As for your character… Well, maybe it was just this last roleplay, but Jack seems to be on a bit of a change. Jack always came across to me as a guy that liked to wrestle and liked to win and have “fun” doing it. In “Lady Wrestling”, Jack’s at a bit of a loss and he’s more serious, more determined. I noticed the absence of the word “asshole” at the end of the roleplay and I have to believe that’s intentional. Possibly because Jack isn’t talking to anyone, but also because he’s getting serious now, rather than messing around. Again, this might have just been this roleplay and next week he’ll be back to his old ways. I don’t know.

The usual Jack character that drinks, flirts and laughs at fart jokes… Well, he’s a good character. He’s got a genuine personality and character about him, coming up with catchphrases and (daft) insults, he’s a lot like The Rock, and that’s by no means a bad thing. I really do like the character, he’s a lot of fun to read, but if you’re thinking about changing, then I say go for it. Like real wrestlers, a gimmick or character can go stale and, whilst I don’t think Jack is yet, he could become a bit repetitive. I know that’s how catchphrases work, but a bit of a change might do him the world of good, rather than sticking to the tried and tested methods of the past.

I don’t want any feedback myself, so I say pay this on to someone else. Go and read a roleplay by someone else and give them feedback on their roleplay, especially if it’s someone that hasn’t had any/much feedback yet like Shawn Ashen, or perhaps even Bane.

[jackbull]

Apr 16, 2011 9:09:21 GMT -5 @irobin said:

First off, “Lady Wrestling” really was a misleading title. I expected half-naked mud-fighting babes, not… Sweaty Jack running around and shouting at the sky.

That said, I really feel that this roleplay is one of your best efforts in recent weeks, not that your others have been bad, but this one was just better in my opinion. Your B2R roleplays conveyed Jack as a champion, and a fighting champion, that tried hard for the fans and the title, but this roleplay actually felt more emotional. More heartfelt, as if these were real emotions. Rather than just saying how much the Pure Title meant to Jack, this roleplay showed it. It showed how he felt about the loss, and how, despite some misgivings, Jack Bull is still a fighter and he isn’t going to just back down now. That’s something that always scores well in my book, a bit of power and raw emotion, rather than just words on a screen.

The roleplay itself had plenty of content, from Jack’s return to an empty home with no win or title or companion, to his current reluctance to bother with Sarah at the moment and his letter from Kirk. Where did you get such an original idea as a letter in a Manila envelope? Jack’s frustration at losing the belt and presumably losing his rematch clause are evident and the reactions go a long way to showing just how much this means to him. It’s not just a match, or a belt, it’s his. Without it, the rest of his world seems out of whack, too.

As is expected from you, it’s well-written and all the basics (match relevance etc.) get covered with a hefty dose of character development. All in all, I think it’s a really good roleplay and I can’t see anything wrong with it. It’s the sort of roleplay that anyone would struggle to top, great work.

As for your character… Well, maybe it was just this last roleplay, but Jack seems to be on a bit of a change. Jack always came across to me as a guy that liked to wrestle and liked to win and have “fun” doing it. In “Lady Wrestling”, Jack’s at a bit of a loss and he’s more serious, more determined. I noticed the absence of the word “asshole” at the end of the roleplay and I have to believe that’s intentional. Possibly because Jack isn’t talking to anyone, but also because he’s getting serious now, rather than messing around. Again, this might have just been this roleplay and next week he’ll be back to his old ways. I don’t know.

The usual Jack character that drinks, flirts and laughs at fart jokes… Well, he’s a good character. He’s got a genuine personality and character about him, coming up with catchphrases and (daft) insults, he’s a lot like The Rock, and that’s by no means a bad thing. I really do like the character, he’s a lot of fun to read, but if you’re thinking about changing, then I say go for it. Like real wrestlers, a gimmick or character can go stale and, whilst I don’t think Jack is yet, he could become a bit repetitive. I know that’s how catchphrases work, but a bit of a change might do him the world of good, rather than sticking to the tried and tested methods of the past.

I don’t want any feedback myself, so I say pay this on to someone else. Go and read a roleplay by someone else and give them feedback on their roleplay, especially if it’s someone that hasn’t had any/much feedback yet like Shawn Ashen, or perhaps even Bane.

I apologise for the lack of mud wrestling. Maybe that's something for the future.

Cheers for the feedback though. The length and detail is very impressive, and very useful. The lack of "asshole" at the end was intentional by the way. Overall I think you have my character nailed.

As for the request, even though he's my opponent this week I shall go with Bane because he has less feedback than Shawn Ashen.

And +1 Karma for you sir, for the breadth and depth of the feedback.

[jackbull]

Any thoughts anyone on "This is just a Tribute?"

[Mr. C]

I tehe'd at it a handful of times. How's THAT for feedback!

[jackbull]

Only a handful? sad face

[Obi]

For the most part, I enjoyed your roleplay, Jack. The conversations were spot on and the subject matter was interesting. I have also noticed that you seem to be switching styles to a more "in-show promo" format. I would like to see how this works out for you. You are a very talented writer, and if anyone can pull it off it is you, friend.

CJ and Bull are an amazing team with instant chemistry. The fact that you both are mixed into one big feud with Cross and Scorpion really plays to the both of your strengths. You made use of this fact here in spades and it showed. The humor in your roleplay was great. I can that you are really getting into your character now, and exploring is outlet. I especially loved how you capped it off, lol.

If I was to knock anything, I would say that it sort of had me feeling like it was dragging on a bit towards the end. In my opinion, promo style roleplays do not lend themselves well to epic length masterpieces. They are usually kept short and sweet. Building off of conversations only tend to lose my focus after a bit. This is just a preference on my part though, so take it with a grain of salt.

Overall, I liked it though. Again, the things I pointed out are how I felt about it. Someone else may feel completely different. It looks like you will never know though, lol. People seem to be feedback shy these days.

[Commissioner Warrior™]

So it's been forever since I took the time to give feedback, but here goes. I definitely enjoyed it. Obi mentioned it was a little long which I kind of felt at glance, but I guess you could compare it to a page turner. It looks long but it goes by quick enough that the length never bothers me. It's sort of a side-effect of that structure of writing I think.

Hilarious back and forths, hilarious moments, good stuff left and right. Overall, very good and I definitely enjoyed reading it. If I had to say something that seemed off it would actually be the talk about Cross. There was good roleplay and plenty of good stuff going on, but it wasn't until near the end you actually did some stuff on Cross that just seemed like it wasn't the focus of the roleplay. Felt almost a little tacked on.

Anyways, good read. Great laughs.

[jackbull]

Cheers Obi. Cheers War war.

[irobin]

I’ll begin by saying that, for the main part, I thought your first roleplay was a riot. Seriously, it was very funny stuff for most of it, although the end did drag a little. Not enough to mar the quality of the overall roleplay, but, well, the “Tribute” stuff dragged a bit. Probably because the dialogue was a little forced to fit in the lyrics, as opposed to the more natural dialogue that comes from writing normally. Either way, it was still very entertaining, and a fantastic read. The roleplay really wasn’t that long (or at least, not as long as it looked) because so much of it was dialogue and it flew by.

Your first was a really well-written piece, amusing throughout and despite the length; it’s an easy, enjoyable read, with a reasonable dose of match relevance. The only complaint would be that there wasn’t much talk of Brett Cross. There was preparation for the match, but it could have been almost any opponent you were facing, not specifically Brett Cross. That’s about it, though. There was match relevance, just not so much centred on the opponent.

Your second piece amended this by paying plenty of time to Brett Cross in a tried and tested Jack Bull interview. It’s simple, straightforward, and does the job well. We all know that Jack’s got the skills when he gets on the mic, so it’s playing to the advantage to do so. There’s a lot to talk about with Brett Cross, and Jack has previous experience from him to draw on, so it worked very well and addressed the only real fault with your first piece. The two are both very good, although I might question whether or not they truly flow as a single piece, but that’s about the only real criticism I can come up with, and it isn’t such a huge deal.

As before, if you feel obliged to feedback, pay it on to someone else!

[The Sky King]

1st RP - Tribute

• Absolutely goddamn hilarious. I swear, everytime you and CJ get together it is always bound to be something funny, and this definitely didn't disappoint.
  
• I didn't feel it drag. That's probably just me, it was hilarious all the way through. It felt like a sitcom unfolding before my eyes..Maybe you and Chuck should go into screenwriting? God knows with the state of comedy today we could use something like this RP on the screens. It was so entertaining that the length wasn't really an issue.
  
• Match relevance was definitely lacking. Definitely. However, you address that in your next RP, so that's kind of moot.
  
  

2nd RP - Ecstacy of Gold

• Some old western movie? "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly"?...Some old western movie?! Minus ten points!
  
• Classic Jack Bull promo here. Entertaining to read, scathing remarks on the opponents, and relevant to the match. The way you can make dialogue flow naturally between the characters is brilliant, and you don't bother too much with needlessly setting the scene or adding a monologue. Definitely gives it a strength.
  
• Nothing more to say, really. Between your first and second RP, you completed the full house: Character development, match relevance, 100% entertainment. Nothing to improve as far as I can see. Spellings good. Grammars good. It's easy to read and entertaining. Can't ask for much more, really.
  

[jackbull]

You know the worst thing about Feedback? It's when the staff take the time to read your RP and break it down for you, and the person asking for it doesn't notice until they come back begging for more...........

P.S. I have the boxed set of the El Manco trilogy. The one that has all three movies and then "Hang 'em High" as a bonus film

Cheers for the feedbacks!! I like the way the staff now break them down into points, that helps to cut to the chase on the positives and negatives. I shall pass on the feedback favour when the next person comes knocking.

As for now, what did peeps think of me last work?

euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=rpsnv&action=display&thread=5989&page=1

[primetime]

Your roleplay literally left me speechless. I think I would go as far as to say that even I would have a hard time defeating an effort like that this week. (I am lying, I would find a way. )

Ok, now seriously. First of all, I want to say Thank you. The respect that you paid to my character in your RP really hit me in the heart. I could feel the respect and friendship in that RP, and could see a growth in Jack Bull. It was like I was watching you ramp up for the big game, and this is the best time to do just that.

The ending was spectacular as well. You ended it on a funny note. Perfect. I wont go on so you don't get all fucking gay with me but just know.. I am seriously impressed.

[jackbull]

You know you fapped after reading X's dialogue. Cheers for the feedback dude.

[James]

I think about the only thing I can say this week is there is no shame in losing to your effort this week Chris ... and that's without the results being posted yet. I didn't like the first one, I felt the beginning was tacked on for length but in lieu of recent events, the foresight to get the first pot shot in deserves commendation. I did enjoy the rant at the end which is why I actually went into it in my role play. I usually don't do that but I thought you deserved it.

The second as Jaden said was absolutely awe inducing. A pitch perfect role play in my estimation that really hit how I see the Jack Bull character. Some may argue that it wasn't as match relevant but in my opinion, it had more to it than your first which most would say was sixty five percent match relevant. Match relevance isn't slagging off someone, it's showing why you're in the match, reacting to it and most importantly where it's going to take you. It's answering the "five w's"

[jackbull]

Cheers dude! When I get some more time this weekend I'll give your RP a second read and try to come up with some useful feedback.

[Obi]

Alright, I believe I owe you a fair bit of feedback. First of all, I commend you on doing your homework prior to writing this RP. It makes things alot more interesting when you not only know the region that the story takes place but other facts such as George Lucas's home, etc. Very well played. The environment and how you went about describing it was great. I especially enjoyed the bar scene. You also surprised me by bringing in Kip. Very, very good.

This saga of Bull being trained by X is interesting. It shows Bull bringing the "Walls" down a bit as he strives to better himself. Then, he goes to Toby to complete the circle. This makes sense. (Even though, X would be all over you if he found out.. lol) Your dialog was great, no issues there. If I pointed out one thing it would be that it was sort of weird to see Jack whip out a weapon but given the circumstances... it fit. Good luck to you, Jack. That roleplay was well written in all areas.