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Post by Blade Alexander on Apr 12, 2011 0:18:19 GMT -5
Just posted my debut RP here, if anyone wants to read it and give me their thoughts I'd certainly appreciate it.
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The Scorpion
Prospect
?There is nothing evil save that which perverts the mind and shackles the conscience." - St. Ambrose
Posts: 308
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Post by The Scorpion on Apr 12, 2011 7:57:54 GMT -5
A well done debut rp. You introduced your character, explained some of his history, explained why you are in EUW, and integrated current storylines into the writing.
A few spelling and grammatical errors, but nothing major. Fairly good detail on the imagery as well. Only thing I didn't like was the custom coat over the top of the Armani suit. I have read your bio, but if someone hadn't I feel they would be confused. Is he a rich man? Is his family from European nobility? His family has been successful in business yes, but is he of the same cut or just fighting for respect as a second generation wrestler? The image of him wearing a multi-thousand dollar suit underneath a trench coat (which is how the image came off to me) just strikes me as confusing.
Other than that I enjoyed this rp very much. I actually felt it could have gone on a bit longer and given a little more story, but it was a debut. Solid work all around.
8/10
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Post by irobin on Apr 12, 2011 10:19:59 GMT -5
Unlike The Scorpion, I wasn't concerned by coats over suits, after all, this is a world where some people live in a pair of tights and nothing more. People can wear whatever shit they want, although I do understand what he meant.
The roleplay itself was good, it explained a bit about who Blade Alexander is what he's doing here, as well as defining some of his key personality traits. He's got a chip on his shoulder and he expects success in all that he does. It also suggests some kind of familial problems, perhaps even a resentment for his father? Is Blade out to just surpass his father to prove himself better, or to embarrass his father? Has he been forced into a life he doesn't want? Either way, he wears the family crest on his jacket, so he's clinging to their name because it may mean more than his at the moment.
Some minor typos, but nothing so serious as to put me off (although I might suggest proof-reading your RPs before posting in future) and it's a strong roleplay. Good to see that you've had a look around and that you have an idea as to current storylines, that puts you in good standing. All things considered, it's a nice, simple piece that explains what Blade Alexander is doing here in the EUW. That's what your debut should be all about.
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