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Post by irobin on Feb 24, 2011 15:06:31 GMT -5
Thanks guys for the feedback, you both get a karma for reading the damn thing. I'm glad to know you enjoyed it F-1, I did worry that the length was to its detriment. It seems that each roleplay is getting longer and I do need to keep an eye on that. Just too much stuff to write about this time out though, so I'll use that as an excuse for me being unable to shut up.
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F1
Veteran
Got Girl Problems? F1!
Posts: 985
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Post by F1 on Feb 25, 2011 6:47:16 GMT -5
Ha ha, much appreciated for the karma. But I hardly noticed the length until it came to an end and I had to scroll all the way back to the top ha. But Jace is becoming quite dynamic and I've enjoyed all your work thus far, it's all building show after show. Well done.
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Post by Obi on Mar 31, 2011 11:16:37 GMT -5
I noticed that you had not asked for feedback this time around but I felt compelled to leave some for you.
Quite honestly, I was impressed by you. This roleplay..
www.euw23.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=ppvrp&action=display&thread=5667
Well, it was on the money. I loved the dialog. You had me laughing a few times at Jace's remarks. Very cool. Example:
Shit like that is what brings a reader in when they can laugh and become a part of the roleplay. Your efforts this week are going to be tough to top, brother. Everything else was fine, the match relevance was there and it was enjoyable all the way though. Good luck to you, friend.
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Mar 31, 2011 11:24:49 GMT -5
I agree with Obi. It was a funny rp and held true to the character. It was entertaining well written and did what a promo should. Did it develop the character? In the same way it has. Baby steps that make you laugh. Great work and this ladder match will be EPIC
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Post by irobin on Mar 31, 2011 13:32:00 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback guys. I appreciate it even more as I didn't ask for it this time around, so the fact that you've been compelled to leave feedback after reading my roleplay means a lot. Thanks!
Although I'm not done yet...
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Mar 31, 2011 22:35:08 GMT -5
Figured you weren't finished and i will say the second is better than the first.
One thing i've noticed and i'm just saying this so it's put somewhere not that i have anything against it. But you usually start the week with a roleplay and then wait to post your second after you're opponent so that if need be you can incorporate their roleplays into yours. I'm not saying you don't have the talent to win you match with one rp Jace. You're record speaks for itself and you are imo one of the best here. I just think you like to guarantee that win and it's great it show that you plan ahead and use what you can. If i had the time i would probably write a counter rp as well.
Great second piece holds true to Jace, adds another interview and opponent bashing while keeping it classy. Some of your best work and best of luck sunday
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Post by irobin on Apr 1, 2011 6:19:40 GMT -5
Well, I'll admit that that's definitely what I did here, but it's a first for me in the EUW. In every match so far, I've written one RP and I'm usually one of the first to post.
I don't believe in sandbagging, or waiting until your opponent posts and then trying to dissect their roleplays to score cheap points, so I put up a roleplay early on that would give people something to work with if they wanted to. Jack posted first, but mine went up with plenty of time for everyone else to respond to it, so I don't see any harm in throwing out this second one now. To be honest, this RP was a character development piece that I wrote when bored (I wanted to establish May as a bit of a recurring character and to then introduce Jace to Sydney Long) and after a bit, I quickly realised that there was a lot of scope to add match relevance, so I did and it became a proper RP instead.
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Mr. T
Prospect
Haters gonna hate
Posts: 386
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Post by Mr. T on Apr 1, 2011 6:50:44 GMT -5
I think it's fine if you make it clear you've got another planned. I just hope that's Jace done because I have no motivation to try and compete with three 4000+ word RPs >_>
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Apr 1, 2011 7:28:52 GMT -5
Oh i know i was just pointing out what i saw. I try and post asap as well. just didn't have the right mind set to write it early. Both pieces are great and stand on their own. great work
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Post by irobin on Apr 1, 2011 13:10:16 GMT -5
I think it's fine if you make it clear you've got another planned. I just hope that's Jace done because I have no motivation to try and compete with three 4000+ word RPs >_> I wouldn't do that. 4000, 4000 and 25000... That's my style. Who needs good writing skills when you can just WALL OF TEXT your opponent's handler into submission. Nah, seriously, I'm all done here, I did say so in the OOC topic.
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Mr. T
Prospect
Haters gonna hate
Posts: 386
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Post by Mr. T on Apr 7, 2011 11:03:13 GMT -5
You didn't ask for feedback on your latest RP, but I figured I owe you some, so here goes...
I really liked it. The injuries Jace received at B2R were played on well and realistically, and the relationship between Jace and May feels really genuine. There was a lot of good character development here for Jace, and I think you handled the alignment change well. I also liked the fact that Jace was torn about the match with Warrior, knowing he shouldn't take it but his pride and desire for revenge not letting him turn it down. Everything that needed to be addressed was.
All in all a great RP IMO. Good character development, plenty of match relevance, I really can't think of anything to criticise. Great job.
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Post by irobin on Apr 7, 2011 14:50:07 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback, Danny, glad to know it went over well. I was concerned that I had sacrificed too much match relevance for character development, but I figured I'd take that chance here.
I will be returning feedback in due course!
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Post by Commissioner Warrior™ on Apr 29, 2011 16:00:35 GMT -5
You always give me feedback, almost without fail. And I'm actually taking the time to read other's roleplays and give feedback, so I figure why not give you some even if you haven't asked.
First off, can I point out that I don't read roleplays enough? Like, before this week, almost never. I barely ever took the time to read the work of others. I kind of regret that now. Mainly because while it took me a bit to get into it, by the end of your roleplay I thoroughly enjoyed it. The opening paragraphs weren't bad at all, but I changed what I was don't a few times and coming back to keep reading. That was probably just me being easily distracted, but I mention it nonetheless.
Once I got going with it the length was not an issue. The conversations and interactions go by relatively quickly and easily, all good. It looked long because of the style of writing I use. Mine naturally will look shorter because it's all compact first person paragraphs. When you start breaking things up with single line dialogue it looks longer, but it read great.
I don't really have a lot of constructive criticism, I thought it was very good. But hey, I read it, it was good, I'm leaving feedback. Baby steps bro, baby steps.
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Post by The Sky King on May 1, 2011 7:38:24 GMT -5
- Length and size of paragraphs is never an issue for me. Besides, I read these things called "Books".
- I felt Jaces view on the bigger picture during the introductory monologue (or whatever you want to call it) was a great addition. Normally, we just have people wanting to go out and beat the living crap out of people, but having Ambrose analyse the situation was refreshing. Having him view Warriors sheer brutality and its effects on Ambrose himself was great....and it actually builds up Warrior to. There's also an implication in there that suggests Ambrose may have felt some sympathy for Warrior over the events that occurred to him. Whether it's true or not, it still gives the growing rivalry an extra edge.
- Dialogue flowed well. The relationship between Jace and May is helping develop your character, but I felt there could have been some more dialogue between them. Something for the next card, perhaps? The dialogue between Dante and Ambrose combined business and comedy, and it was definitely an entertaining read. The idea of scouting an opponent from a video game manual is....original, to say the least.
- I felt the RP cut off when things could have got going training-wise. It's not a bad thing, and it stops the RP from needlessly dragging out, but it felt like you got the train rolling and then it suddenly grinds to a halt. At the point it ended, I felt like you had nailed match relevance and character development, so I guess that the feeling of the RP cutting suddenly is just my personal opinion.
- The building of the superhero and sidekick between Ambrose and Dante helped with your Face approach. It also helped Dantes character I felt...I feel that your RPs not only give Ambrose and his character a boost, but also give your opponents and partners an edge too. Definitely a positive.
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Post by irobin on May 1, 2011 10:48:08 GMT -5
Thanks a lot guys, I really do appreciate the feedback and agree with what you two have had to say. I don't generally play a face, so I've been a little unsure of what to do with Jace (I'm trying not to let him become a bland, generic face), so it's good to know that firstly, I'm coming across as a face, and that secondly, I'm managing to do it well. Thanks for the comments.
I'm also glad to see that you're both giving feedback to others, too. That's even better.
I'm closing this topic, but if anyone feels the need to leave me feedback because I left them feedback, then I ask that you leave constructive feedback for someone else that has asked for it instead. Let's all help each other out!
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Post by primetime on Jun 11, 2011 16:53:23 GMT -5
(My Grades on a 1-10 scale).Dialog: 8Description: 8Content: 8Length: 8Match Relevance: 9Overall Thoughts: Great Job, Jace. The series for this show was a solid effort from you. I enjoyed the second portion more than the first, so you ended it very strongly. I will be honest and say that I have seen you produce better though, but that is a testament to the great deal of talent that you have. Either way, you continue to kick ass and impress. One bit of advice? Pick a new chick for a poser. That broad is all sorts of ugly.
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Post by irobin on Jun 11, 2011 16:59:33 GMT -5
As Warrior said, you're gay.
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