F1's feedback

[F1]

If you have read my most recent rp "The Man of Shadows and Souls" let me know what you think. I would like to know the pros and cons of it and the vibe you got from it. Any and all feedback is welcome. Thank you in advance.

[Kurt Noble]

I don't really have much feedback for you, but I'll leave what little I can.

Noble Feedback

While I don't love the inner monologue style, it works well to convey a sense of exhaustion and feebleness. One thing I think you can use it a bit more for is descriptions of the scene around you. I have very little sense of the scene in which you're in, or the context for that matter. Give your audience just a hint of imagery, and you're already closer to sucking them into the scene.

I think you can vary up the dialog and inner monologue a bit more, but that's more a personal thing. I just think reactions can do a bit more for you than simply watching things unfold after a few paragraphs of dialog have ended.

Overall, it was solid. Gave a brief introduction to the character, while still keeping some necessary ambiguity. I'm curious to see how the character plays out when you start facing actual opponents. Good job!

[F1]

Much appreciated and I'll definitely aim to improve on the descriptions and dialogue/monologue. Thanks for your time.

[F1]

If anyone has read or is willing to take the time to read my BRH rp "Brothers in Arms", let me know what you think about it and what I can work on. Thanks.

[primetime]

well written, bro.

[F1]

Much appreciated man.

[F1]

Well I tried using a different mindset for this last rp "The Aftermath" and it's a bit different than my usual. So I was wondering what was thought of it and feel free to critique. It would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[F1]

This is quite the successful thread...

Well, if anyone reads my latest rp Uprising/Enter Psychosis. Let me know what you think about it overall, as well as the flow and style and where I could improve.[/b]

[The Cobra Viper]

I loved it. The Rage, the focus, and all while waking up from a hangover. Its realistic and you lose track of the world as you follow the characters mind. Great job. best of luck

[irobin]

It's a good, strong roleplay and you work with what you've got in front of you. Immanuel Taylor is the new guy that you know precious little about, whereas Danny is getting known and has approached F-1 to help fight the Empire.

Interesting to see that you're heading down the third path. The company is splitting between Kirk's "EUW" and Chad's "Empire", with both sides attempting to recruit any talented competitors that they come across, it's easy to lose sight of the other option. The one that says no to everything going on and fights for itself. Should be good to see where this takes F-1 and whether or not he'll actually stay neutral or if he'll be coerced into something he doesn't want to do, just to get by.

Plenty of match/opponent focus, F-1 is definitely pissed off, the bottle of Jack alone says he's not doing too well right now and he's trying to get his head around all the stories going on in the fed right now.

[F1]

Much appreciated man. I was trying to convey the message of internal turmoils with F1 with all of what's going on both with the split and his recent battles. In addition, attempting to take the road less traveled. Glad that the message stayed clear and that the focus was portrayed. I also tried to work in the piece about Danny and I last week and like you said, what little is known about Immanuel. Good to know that the rp was depicted in accordance to the plan that I drew up inside my head. Thanks for the feedback,

[dragon]

Very good read. (Sorry, I have to keep my reviews simple being a judge and all.)

[F1]

This last rp "Fighting the Beast" I could really use some feedback on. I know it's not as long as usual and I was trying to portray that F1 is undergoing and ever growing battle within himself. But I don't really know if I like how it turned out, although I know the best way to find out is go with my gut and post it and see what comes of it. So let me know what you all think. It would be very much appreciated. Thanks.

[irobin]

I think it came out alright, it's not a dud as far as I'm concerned.

A roleplay doesn't need to be long to be good and this one doesn't feel like a long roleplay that's been cut short, which is the most important thing. It reads like a roleplay of its length should, so that it ends at the right time and that's good. It gives it a proper flow and the usual start-middle-end stuff that we all expect, with the loose ends all being tied up.

It does convey Fallen One's inner turmoil, he's got something dark inside of him that wants out. If a man of such strength and apparent composure is afraid of his dark side, then it serves to reason that this "beast" is something to fear, although it seems that it's getting harder to control as times goes by. I'm interested in seeing if/when Fallen One breaks down and lets this monster inside of him loose...

[F1]

Glad to hear Jace. I wasn't too sure after re-reading it a couple times, so much appreciated. I'm glad it kept its flow and relevance. As for the internal fight, it is something that is of unmeasurable quality that if/when "the beast" is released it will be quite the change. I guess we'll have to see how this plays out, huh? Ha. Anyway, thanks for the feedback, man.

[The Cobra Viper]

I agree with Jace and i don't see much that you could work on so i think i'll take the time and point out what i like about your style.

The fact that you bring the animistic need to destroy every time and yet its new and unique. It's not the monster style like titan or the act of the Gods like Brett. It's its own style and separates you from the carbon copy.

The color is done in away that complements your writing style. Making it easy to tell what is action, spoken, and thought.

You keep things short and sweet but interesting and with all this i see you going far.

Best of luck and i hope you destroy Eddie more so than i did

[F1]

I appreciate the feedback Roy, that's really good to hear about the content and style. I was also slightly curious if the color scheme had been messing with people's heads. But, I'm glad (at least for you) that it makes everything clear and concise. As for Eddie, I can't wait to see what he comes out with.

As for going far, I appreciate it man. I definitely need to keep my ducks in a row this time, but you're not doing to bad yourself. You're main eventing big guy. Good on you. +1 Karma.

[F1]

Ok, so "The Man in Control" is the title of the latest rp. Yet again, the style has slightly evolved. Mainly in this rp I tried to convey how deep F1 was thinking about his offer with Kirk and what that could possibly bring upon him. Also, I emphasized the fact that F1 was a lot more focused, more in control this show because the inner beast seems to have been satisfied last SNV and is seemingly lying dormant...for now.

But let me know what you thought about the rp overall as well as the style. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to do so.

[irobin]

You said that you wanted to convey that F1 is far more in control this time around and that came through to me. He was his usual intense self, but far less restless than he has seemed in recent weeks. He's got his agenda and, ever the tactician, he's planning how to dismantle his opponents.

The whole mood seems quite contemplative and that is to its benefit. F1 is back in charge for the time beind, and he's got a lot on his plate. He's got a match against two opponents that he knows could cause him some trouble, but he also has a title shot coming up soon that he needs to prepare for. In addition to this, he's now being sucked back into the brand war, although he's still largely neutral, this is the sort of action that is likely to be seen as "siding" with Kirk, because he's investigating on his behalf.

It's a good roleplay that's a little different to what we've seen in recent efforts due to the less angry/violent nature of it. Still begs the question of just how long can F1 subdue his inner demons though. One win has subdued them for the time being, but will one loss let them all out? I guess we'll have to wait and see...

[F1]

So I didn't originally intend on putting up two rp's for the PPV but the length made me decide to break it up into two. I revealed some of F1's past and tied in all of what has taken place involving him within the past couple weeks. So I'm really looking forward to hearing some feedback on how everything was written and what I could have done better/different and what I can improve on. I know there's a lot there so thank you very much to anyone who decides to read and leave feedback.

[Obi]

*Clap


Very good, brother. You brought the "A" game this week and raised the bar. While I had no doubt that you were capable of this, it was nice to see you prove me right. Fallen One is a complex character. The reader wants to look at him and think "Dumb Big Guy" but he is far from that. This man is interesting..

And dangerous.


Great job, man.