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Post by Justin King on Jan 19, 2011 22:45:31 GMT -5
Yeah, I did slide back in and fix the coding errors. But, with that analogy, that sounds like something I would do. lol
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Post by Justin King on Jan 20, 2011 0:03:17 GMT -5
Added some more to the RP. Check it out.
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Post by irobin on Jan 20, 2011 5:51:01 GMT -5
First up, I've no idea what the deal is on editing a roleplay after it's gone up, but, as neither of your opponents have roleplayed yet and it's not that long since you put it up (not like roleplaying and then adding to it two days later). I'm sure if there's a problem someone that knows the rules will explain it when they notice.
Anyway, the addition is good, it does extend the roleplay and gets onto the "good" bit, as it were. Shows Roy and Jackal training for the match and does add some more match focus to the overall RP. That said, you've still done odd coding things, changing from lime green to green to lime green again for Roy's speech. Having looked into it, I see that you're actually typing each code manually, rather than using the drop down bar. It might seem faster for you, but if you were to just use the drop down each time then it might reduce the number of mistakes. Just a thought.
Well, all I can say now is good luck to you and Roy. Your RPs are in and you've just got to wait and see what your opponents do this week.
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Post by primetime on Jan 20, 2011 11:38:14 GMT -5
You have until the deadline to edit and add as you see fit. Just make sure you note somewhere that you changed stuff or we may never see it. Upon reading it once, we don't usually re-check the rp again unless there is a post that something has been added /changed. Good luck.
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Post by Justin King on Feb 8, 2011 12:26:15 GMT -5
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Post by irobin on Feb 8, 2011 16:45:38 GMT -5
Well, as we learnt last time, if you come up with anything to add, you can do, so long as you do it in good time and point it out.
I probably can't give you any criticism that you don't already know, basically that it's a bit short and there isn't that much match focus, even for its length.
As for the actual roleplay, I quite liked it, but due to its short length it really did feel like a prelude to something else. That said, it's an interesting roleplay, well-written and it did drag me in. It got me wondering what Jackal's plan is, and just what side he's going to pick (the third side still always an option) in the EUW/Empire battle and he's clearly made his mind up about what he's doing there.
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Post by The Cobra Viper on Feb 8, 2011 18:17:29 GMT -5
I completely agree with Jace.
That Said i hope we kick some ass this Sunday
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Post by Justin King on Feb 16, 2011 15:34:07 GMT -5
New RP posted. Not surprised that it was the first RP to hit the board. Frankly, I had a lot of fun writing this one. I feel it was, without a doubt, one of my better ones.
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Post by primetime on Feb 22, 2011 4:04:08 GMT -5
Solid. Good read.
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Post by irobin on Feb 22, 2011 9:49:24 GMT -5
Good roleplay. Interesting and it certainly portrays Jackal as being rather deranged. His mind is all over the place and he's trying to manipulate that into an advantage. He's made a choice about which side he joins up to and that's good, too. Slowly, the neutrals are picking sides.
Got to say though, Vampiro without make-up is weird. I do not like looking at that guy.
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Post by Justin King on Mar 27, 2011 17:56:09 GMT -5
Yeah, my latest one went up a couple of days ago. Don't know how many, if any, have ready it.
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James
Veteran
The EUW's Resident Superhero!
Posts: 917
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Post by James on Mar 28, 2011 18:34:55 GMT -5
I think it was one of your better works mate, spot on dialogue, a solid story and just gave us a little bit more about Jackal. I think that depth is going to help you expand the character in a way that will allow you to show more continued growth and improvement. I thought the grease monkey bit was actually clever as well to that effect in that it gave what has been seen as on the show as someone who's a little unstable, being grounded to an extent as well. That duality is golden fodder to work off.
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Post by Justin King on Mar 28, 2011 21:57:47 GMT -5
The funny part about the grease monkey bit, is that's actually what's going on in my life right now. I am going to college to get a degree in automotive technology to be a grease monkey lol
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Post by irobin on Mar 29, 2011 5:43:52 GMT -5
I agree with most of Dante's comments, this certainly is one of your better pieces and it's good to get a bit of background on Jackal, to see that there's more to him than just being some guy that enjoys a bit of unnecessary violence. Now that Jackal's sporting less make-up and revealing some "normal" history, it almost makes him seem crazier in my eyes, as if he's some kind of a Batman villain, having been affected by some explosion or chemical early on that turned him from a normal mechanic into a deranged hardcore wrestler...
However, it was more of a character development roleplay, and the whole thing seemed a bit light on match relevance, as if it was building to it. Is there a part two that will cover these things? If so, great. If not... Maybe consider it if you have time?
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Post by The Sky King on Mar 29, 2011 6:57:07 GMT -5
Needs a second part to embellish Jackals focus on the match. Also, it needs to focus more on Jackal as an individual, instead of bringing Roy and Sara in. However, let's get that negative bit and move onto the positive, which is everything else. Last week, your RP was crap thanks to time constraints, but this week you definitely made up for it. The character development was brilliant, and it's nice to see that Jackals developing as an character, which I hope will lead to some more brilliant roleplays where you expand on it more.
Dialogue wise? Flowing, natural, nothing to complain about. You had a really smooth RP going, and it was easy to read. Definitely one of your better efforts, and I really hope time isn't strained for you this week, because I would love to see a second RP knock this match out the park!
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CJ
Prospect
Booze Head
Posts: 295
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Post by CJ on Mar 29, 2011 16:23:07 GMT -5
Much better effort this week. I was loving me some Jackal for sure. Great job.
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