Feedback for... Someone Call The-

[Diabolik]

Okay, so if anyone wants to give feedback on this, go ahead and say what you think here. I'll develop things a bit better in future RPs.

Also, good luck to you Sabora, although I have a feeling you won't be needing it.

[Kurt Noble]

Hiya Diabolik.

Noble Feedback:

I liked the inner monologue to establish the beginning of the RP. See, I'm new here, so it's always nice for someone to even briefly summarize a relationship or situation in the beginnong of their RP. Props to you for it.

Wait, they're friends (couldn't find solace in even my closest friends), but two minutes into the scene Eddie is talking about beating Sabora with brass knuckles...?

Applying your opponent's style, and saying how you can beat it is something I've always liked in RPs. Makes them seem more wrestling relevant, and seems like something you'd actually see.

Overall, it was a short little decent RP. My only thing was that the ending, and the whole premise of the RP, seemed rushed and sudden. It didn't really seem like a huge amount happened, or that much was established.

My advice is, even if you have a week where you have little time, if you have a concept out of the norm, and can apply it to an in the norm situation...use it. You touched upon the idea of using brass knuckles and weapons against someone that's Eddie's friend (If I'm correct in that logic). One quick thing you could have done is relay more of Eddie's thoughts here. Like, he knows it's wrong, but that "little voice" in his head pushes him as the RP keeps going. His thoughts grow more violent, and it develops on-screen. Like I said, you did it briefly, but if you ever do have to do a brieg segment, my advice is to pick a specific concept and really hammer it home. Make it memorable.

That's all I've got. Hope it helps some!

[Diabolik]

Oct 17, 2010 20:56:12 GMT -5 Kurt Noble said:

You touched upon the idea of using brass knuckles and weapons against someone that's Eddie's friend (If I'm correct in that logic).

Okay, sorry, but the friend he was referring to was Jed, his best friend and also manager. Although Eddie and Sabora have a respect for each other (partially due to Sabora's appreciation of Eddie's poetry) they are not necessarily friends. Plus, it was meant to be showing he would do anything to win. In this case, using weapons against an injured man. It's been touched upon in previous RPs that he is in a very dangerous situation in his private life, and needs to be noticed in EUW and rise through the ranks to a higher paycheck in order to save his own skin.