Post by Mr. C on Aug 18, 2008 21:07:52 GMT -5
I'm sane, society isn't.
Here I sit, a stiff mattress, a scratchy blanket, four bare walls, and a barred window. My entire sarcastic existence is this. I sit on this rock hard mattress, I take my pills, I sleep beneath a suffocating stitching of the most uncomfortable of cloth, and I stare out between steel beams, longing for the outside, longing for my lost love. Love of freedom, love of Neko, love of normalcy, love of my sanity. It's all muddled together now, and I can't tell what I love, or what I long for.
But I don't actually just sit on this mattress. I am allowed out for my matches, I am allowed out to exercise, I am allowed to visit with my other inmates. Ones who are more sane than I, some who are less sane. Those who don't think they're in here, those who know where they are all to well. I'm sane, society isn't, nor is this place. I don't belong, but I'm still kept here against my will. I'm to stay here until I'm calm. Calm and medicated.
But I don't actually take my medication. I learned early on the tricks of the trade, when I'm given my pills, I simply slide them under my tongue, and then as I wipe my mouth clean of the water that comes with it, I crush the tablet and go on my merry way. I'm sane, I don't need the medication. I feel far better without it anyway. I don't want the medication either. Part of my sanity rests in the absence of addiction. The other, in EUW.
EUW is where I vent my frustrations with this whole ordeal. Framed for something I did not do, blackmailed in to being under watch 24/7, losing the love of my life, and then being forced in to an asylum. I have a lot to be frustrated with. But in the EUW, I'm allowed to vent out all of that frustration. I am allowed to beat another man, to make myself feel better. I am allowed to take all the pain that life has thrown at me, and take it out on the man across the ring from me. ...Perhaps, just perhaps, that sounds more sane in my head.
Everything has become muddled. I fight, to vent my frustrations, I fight because its my career. Or do I? No, that's not it. I do not fight to make myself feel better. I fight because it's just who I am. It's my career, it's my life, it's what I love. And, if this situation has proven anything, its that that is the only thing they have not been able to steal from me. Privacy? Gone. Freedoms? Gone. Simple rights and liberties? Gone. Sanity? Arguably gone. But, my love, any of it, be it for Neko, wrestling, or the outside world. Is it gone? Not at all.
They've forced insanity upon me, and they've taken away as much as they can, but I still hold dear all that I love. That and the hope that I'll be out soon. Out with you again, love.
So here I sit on a stiff mattress, a scratchy blanket, four bare walls, and a barred window. Realizing my entire sarcastic existence is not just this. It's no longer all muddled together and I can tell what I love and what I long for.
Out.
Here I sit, a stiff mattress, a scratchy blanket, four bare walls, and a barred window. My entire sarcastic existence is this. I sit on this rock hard mattress, I take my pills, I sleep beneath a suffocating stitching of the most uncomfortable of cloth, and I stare out between steel beams, longing for the outside, longing for my lost love. Love of freedom, love of Neko, love of normalcy, love of my sanity. It's all muddled together now, and I can't tell what I love, or what I long for.
But I don't actually just sit on this mattress. I am allowed out for my matches, I am allowed out to exercise, I am allowed to visit with my other inmates. Ones who are more sane than I, some who are less sane. Those who don't think they're in here, those who know where they are all to well. I'm sane, society isn't, nor is this place. I don't belong, but I'm still kept here against my will. I'm to stay here until I'm calm. Calm and medicated.
But I don't actually take my medication. I learned early on the tricks of the trade, when I'm given my pills, I simply slide them under my tongue, and then as I wipe my mouth clean of the water that comes with it, I crush the tablet and go on my merry way. I'm sane, I don't need the medication. I feel far better without it anyway. I don't want the medication either. Part of my sanity rests in the absence of addiction. The other, in EUW.
EUW is where I vent my frustrations with this whole ordeal. Framed for something I did not do, blackmailed in to being under watch 24/7, losing the love of my life, and then being forced in to an asylum. I have a lot to be frustrated with. But in the EUW, I'm allowed to vent out all of that frustration. I am allowed to beat another man, to make myself feel better. I am allowed to take all the pain that life has thrown at me, and take it out on the man across the ring from me. ...Perhaps, just perhaps, that sounds more sane in my head.
Everything has become muddled. I fight, to vent my frustrations, I fight because its my career. Or do I? No, that's not it. I do not fight to make myself feel better. I fight because it's just who I am. It's my career, it's my life, it's what I love. And, if this situation has proven anything, its that that is the only thing they have not been able to steal from me. Privacy? Gone. Freedoms? Gone. Simple rights and liberties? Gone. Sanity? Arguably gone. But, my love, any of it, be it for Neko, wrestling, or the outside world. Is it gone? Not at all.
They've forced insanity upon me, and they've taken away as much as they can, but I still hold dear all that I love. That and the hope that I'll be out soon. Out with you again, love.
So here I sit on a stiff mattress, a scratchy blanket, four bare walls, and a barred window. Realizing my entire sarcastic existence is not just this. It's no longer all muddled together and I can tell what I love and what I long for.
Out.
