Post by Obi on Jan 18, 2011 22:26:24 GMT -5
-1-
The scene opens up as a perfect looking, white house is shown, surrounded by suburban America. A perfect green lawn adorns the front of the home, shining brightly under the afternoon rays of the Arizona sun. A large van rests on the street in front of the house. It is slightly worn down, showing rust in various places of the frame. Displayed for all to see is the business that the van belongs to. It simply reads…
Damaged Goods.
Inside the house, 2 men stand by a toilet. One is listening with his hands placed firmly upon his hips. The others speaks with a sharp accent, waving a stained plunger in one hand.
“I told you once before and I will tell you again… I don’t clean up shit. It’s gross, and it makes me gag!”
Brown and white chunks swirl around the porcelain bowl of a toilet. The sounds of water gurgling are evident, as the tank that holds the contents within slightly buckles under the pressure. Standing back from the toilet, covered in grime and dirt stains, Randy White slides his hands into his pockets, only to remove a crinkled up Kleenex. Raising it to his nose, he blows into it with a jerking motion, disgusting the owner of the broken toilet that stands before him. With his long pony tail flip flopping over his shoulder, Randy smiles, as he continues his rant. “Can I offer you a bit of advice?”
“Advice?!!” shouts the home owner before him. Anger has built up in the man. The day had already started off badly, as he was late to work due to clogged plumbing in his home. Calling up the nearest plumbers who went by the handy name of “Damaged Goods”, he had hoped to rectify the problem. Sadly, this was not to be the case. Doing his best to keep his cool, the owner clenched his fists and took a deep breath. “Please, enlighten me on what it takes to get the shit out of my toilet..”
“Well,” smiles Randy now. “It really comes down to eating right. You see, when I eat one of those burritos at the Mexican restaurant down the street, I produce the biggest turds that-”
Suddenly, the bathroom door bursts open behind them. A large man appears, possibly in his mid twenties. His broad chest and large stature instantly makes the home owner nervous upon arrival. Looking down at the clogged toilet, the man known as Scott Lawson holds his nose as he speaks to Randy across the way. “Hey man. Cut this shit short! Kirk Kennedy called… we are in!”
“We are in?!!” smiles Randy in return.
Noticing what could be a speck of fecal matter on Randy’s cheek, Scott shakes his head before continuing. “That’s right brother. We are now in the EUW! We have to go.”
Quickly removing his gloves, Randy White smiles as he hands the plunger to the now boiling over home owner. Scott then reaches out and ruffles the man’s hair as he speaks with a excited tone of voice. “Sorry man, duty calls. Remember what I said about taking those shits though, okay! It will go a very long way towards healthy pipes, man!”
Both Randy and Scott then exit the bathroom, leaving the home owner holding a plunger in one hand… and an angered look upon his face. Almost with a growl, he screams out as the sounds of a large vehicle drives away.
“… I DON’T EVEN LIKE BURRITOS!!!”
“Dirty Deeds”
By Damaged Goods.
Looking through the cracked windshield of their van, Scott Lawson drives on, his face contorted into a serious position. His large hands grip unto the worn down leather straps that cover the steering wheel. Glancing to his right, he stares down at his partner in crime, Randy Lawson. A large wooden box rests in his lap, filled to the brim with what looks to be marijuana. Slightly annoyed, Scott begins to shake his head as he speaks. “Hey man, you really need to quit smoking that shit. If we are going to be real players in the EUW then our health needs to be a priority.”
“My health IS a priority” laughs Randy now. “I like to ensure my happiness! You know, I was thinking of a cool nick name for me. Everyone has one, you know?”
“Yeah.” answers Scott with a short laugh. “How about Pot Head? I think it suits you perfectly.”
“Nah.” answers Randy now as he licks the end of his rolled up confection. “That’s too easy. What about.. Randy DELUXE White?”
“Sounds gay.” laughs Scott now. “I think it suits you perfectly. Anyway, have I told you who we are facing? It’s a complete crack up.”
Placing the rolled up joint to his lips, Randy ignites a silver zippo lighter and lights the joint. Smoke billows off of the end of it as he takes in a deep toke. Closing his eyes and holding his breath for a moment, he then exhales and answers Scott. “Look, I don’t give a shit who we face man. It’s all good. I just can’t wait to step in the ring again. It has been far too long since I was able to let my hair down. Remember the old days, man?”
“You bet your ass I do!” responds Scott now with a hard smile. “Just like they were yesterday. I don’t think there was a damn territory that we didn’t rough up! I will miss the free form angle of wrasslin’. There is something about letting it all out inside of that ring and just turning it up to the tenth level, ya’ know?”
“Righteous, man.” laughs Randy now. His eyes are blood shot, offering an insight into his mind set. “This is it though, the big time. Fuck, I am so excited. The EUW is where everyone tunes in to watch the big men go at it! It’s our time, man. So, who are our opponents?”
Rolling down the window, Scott spit’s a rather large gob of mucus before answering. “I think I will let the boss himself tell you about it. I have a contact high..”
“Right on, man.”
A few hours later, EUW Headquarters, San Francisco.
“Glad you two could make it. I am Kirk Kennedy, as you probably know. I can already see the potential brimming in you guys. This could be big. What I need to know is, what will you bring to the EUW?”
Seated upon hard plastic chairs, Scott Lawson and Randy White do their best to look comfortable as they listen to the EUW Chairman. Hiding behind thick Ray Ban glasses, Randy tries not to stare at the shiny head of Kirk Kennedy as he holds back hard laughter. With a slight nudge, Scott takes control as he answers. “Well, Sir. We are the best in the world as far as tag teams go. Take a look at our resume-”
“I have.” interrupted Kirk Kennedy now. “I always do a background check on all of my stars before I hire them. Tell me something that I don’t know.”
“I don’t think you understand who we are.” answers Randy defiantly out of no where. “We are the guys who brought down the house in Baltimore last year! Scott and I have been referred to as the next big thing in tag team wrestling. You just put us in a match and I promise you, we will make fucking history.”
Kirk Kennedy leans in slightly, clasping his hands together. “Are you high? Take off those glass.”
“He… can’t” snaps Scott now. “He just had eye surgery.”
“Alright” answers Kirk with a slight sneer. “Your first opponents are a group of fella’s that really could be big in the EUW. As you both have heard I am sure, the Puzzo Nation has a lasting history within the EUW. They are a symbol of excellence and tradition. With the tag team division heating up, I think it would be a great test for the both of you if I was to place you in a match together. That sound good to the both of you?”
“We know all about those guys.” laughs Randy now. “AJ Valdez and Marcus Puzzo are great dudes. They are fun to watch.. Entertainers. Everyone loves entertainers. What you see before you are not two dudes trying to entertain the masses. We live for this sport. This is our passion. Take a look at my friend next to me. He is a fucking powerhouse. I once saw him carry three people across the ring and plant them with a running shoulder body slam!”
“Impressive.” responds Kirk.
“As for myself.” continues Randy. “I have trained the better half of my life in Kung Fu to center my mind and body. I even graduated from Chris Sabora’s academy a few years ago to round out my arsenal! You could call me.. A student of the game.”
“I see that.” answers Kirk once again.
“I think what my friend is getting at is..” answers Scott now, knowing that Randy was losing his focus. “We are ready for the Puzzos Brothers. I can handle AJ Valdez on his best day and knowing my friend here, he can deal with Marcus well enough. Expect us on time, ready for some action on Sunday. You are about to see pure intensity, with a twist of hardcore action. Tell those Puzzo brothers that Damaged Goods is coming their way.”
“Alright. Consider it done. I shall see you in two weeks then.” answers Kirk now as he stands up to shake their hands. “Welcome to the EUW.”
Both Scott and Randy turn to exit the room shortly after. Smiling, Randy looks up at Scott and speaks in a hushed tone. “Did you believe all of that shit you were saying? Do we even know these Puzzo guys? They sound like some dudes out of the Godfather Movies.”
“Yeah, I meant every word of it.” answers Scott now with a slight flex of the chest. “We are going to seriously rip them apart. Let’s get out of here now and get that toilet fixed. That home owner was pissed..”